


I've loved and I've lost

by alrespirar



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Pining, Riding, Rimming, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:05:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alrespirar/pseuds/alrespirar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We could have played together. You could have spiked my tosses," Oikawa then murmured, running his hands through Ushijima’s hair and falling in love once again with the grey strands mixed in with his dark locks. Ushijima hummed in response, letting silence grow before he opened his eyes.</p>
<p>“Perhaps in another life. One where you had gone to Shiratorizawa with me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've loved and I've lost

**Author's Note:**

> This pairing means a lot to me and I've always wanted to delve into the situations detailed in this fic. I wrote this during last year's nano and while I'm not completely satisfied with it, I'm super ready to let it go and just be done with it. A huge thank you to Caroline for being my beta. You are absolutely incredible for putting up with things you aren't a part of. 
> 
> The album _Take Care_ in its entirety was my inspiration for this so. Thanks, Drake.

> _We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together  
>  But we sure make it feel like we're together  
>  Because we're scared to see each other with somebody else_

* * *

Going home with Ushijima on Friday night was not nearly as bad as Oikawa had thought it could be. He’d made a lot of mistakes, even more now that Iwaizumi wasn’t within arms reach to talk some sense into him. But besides, it was the second time he’d seen Ushijima in the past month. He’d made progress.

The truth was, Oikawa never backed down from a challenge no matter how absurd it was. Ushijima had clung to him the moment their eyes met, like an itch that he couldn’t reach. Ushijima was everything that Oikawa wanted for himself and only for himself. 

“Come on, keep up,” Oikawa said breathlessly against Ushijima’s mouth. They were in Ushijima’s bedroom, it was Oikawa’s first time here, having played it safe before; meeting up at the same bar in the city and taking him back home when Iwaizumi was away for the weekend visiting home.

This time they didn’t have to worry about being walked in on (one of Oikawa’s biggest fears and something that came as a result of living in a shared space). Ushijima kissed with a purpose, tilting Oikawa’s chin to kiss into his mouth again, tongue running over his lips, teeth biting onto his lower lip. Ushijima was taller than him and Oikawa had to reach up if he wanted to reciprocate, pushing Ushijima back and wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him harder. He felt Ushijima’s hand travel down his chest, stop at his hips and eventually slide further until they gripped his ass and squeezed. Oikawa’s breath hitched against Ushijima’s mouth and before he knew it, he was being hauled up into Ushijima’s arms. For his age, Ushijima looked incredible and felt that way, too. 

Oikawa wrapped his legs around Ushijima’s waist for better support as he carried him over to the bed, lightly dropping him on the sheets. 

His own hands traveled around Ushijima’s chest, realizing that somewhere along the way he had ditched his jacket and was now only in his dress shirt that hugged his torso just perfectly. Through the soft fine fabric he could feel Ushijima’s defined chest and his fingers tugging on the collar with a less than gentle touch, eager to feel his warm skin. In turn, Oikawa felt Ushijima tugging on the fly of his pants and eventually got impatient and grunted. 

Oikawa smirked, “Patience, this is one of my favorites.” 

Oikawa couldn’t hold back the gasp that escaped his lips when he felt Ushijima’s mouth on his clavicle. The blinds on the window were open, the lights of the city sinking in and Oikawa could just make out Ushijima’s face as he opened his eyes. There was a bright blush on his cheeks and his lips were red, swollen by how much Oikawa had kissed him. He reached up his hand, made a fist in Ushijima’s hair and pulled him down hard. Ushijima, it seemed, was really into it. 

The kiss was wet and Oikawa lightly gasped when Ushijima softly bit his lower lip before pulling up. 

“I’m going to take the rest of your clothes off now,” he said. 

“And here I thought I had to take some initiative.” Oikawa said and shifted on the bed. 

“Is there anything that’s off limits for you?”

“Hm, Ushijima, you know by now that I’m into anything that will make me forget my name. But if you’re asking I’m not picky tonight as long as you fuck me.”

Ushijima sat up on his bed and started shedding the rest of his clothes. Oikawa watched him and saw that Ushijima looked good, even better actually. He was sure that he was staring at this point but he could care less if he got caught. It was evident he wanted Ushijima, if the bulge in his own pants was any indication. Oikawa had been hard the moment they had left the bar. 

Maneuvering themselves out of their clothes completely wasn’t graceful but it was a rewarding experience when Oikawa lowered his gaze to Ushijima’s thick cock. It was still impressive, Oikawa admitted and imagining it pounding his ass again after so long made him vibrate with need. Ushijima leaned back on the bed and reached over for the lube and condoms in his nightstand. Oikawa took the initiative and climbed on top of Ushijima’s lap.

He murmured under his breath when he felt Ushijima’s hard cock rub against his. Oikawa was leaking precome at the tip and he moaned when Ushijima’s fingers slipped under the waistband of his boxers and grabbed his ass again, hands kneading themselves on his cheeks.

“Fan of my ass?”

“Hard not to be,” Ushijima answered back. Oikawa smiled before he leaned down and closed his mouth around Ushijima’s right nipple, lightly pulling at the nub with his teeth. Ushijima clutched at his hair as Oikawa played with his nipples until they were tender and Ushijima’s harsh breath was ringing in Oikawa’s ears. Oikawa pulled back and reached for the lube, then handed it to Ushijima who looked at him questioningly.

“Do the honors, please?” 

Oikawa leaned back and maneuvered himself so that he was laying on his stomach, his face inches from Ushijima’s cock and Ushijima in between his own legs. He turned and looked over his shoulder at Ushijima with a lazy smirk on his face. Ushijima looked right back at him, his pupils blown wide before he took the bottle in his hand and popped the cap. 

Oikawa brought the cockhead to his lips, kissing it before wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard. Behind him he heard Ushijima’s breath hitch and Oikawa closed his eyes, humming in approval when he felt Ushijima’s hand on his cheeks again, spreading him open. When he felt Ushijima lick into him, his breath hot as he sucked around the rim, he jerked. 

“Jesus christ,” Oikawa moaned as his eyes screwed shut. It was a dirty trick, Ushijima running the flat of his tongue along his rim but Oikawa wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of having caught him completely off guard. He went back to work on leaving lewd kisses at the tip of Ushijima’s cock, down to each testicle. 

Ushijima’s tongue was criminal. He wanted to fuck Ushijima’s face so badly, ride him until they’re both sweating and out of breath but Ushijima’s grip around his thighs was like iron bars keeping him in place and _that_ was something that Oikawa was hella into, holy shit. Ushijima brought his tongue to Oikawa’s hole and began to lap at it, repeatedly, teasing the rim and just barely fucking him. Oikawa’s thighs tensed and twitched as Ushijima kept eating him out until finally, he dipped his tongue in gently, a soft touch that was just barely noticeable but intense enough that it managed to make him curl his toes. 

“ _Fuck_ , how are you so good at this?”

Ushijima sealed his lips over Oikawa’s asshole again and sucked. Oikawa wanted to rock back on his face so badly, wanted more, always more. His warm breath sent shivers down Oikawa’s spine and he gave a pathetic attempt at grinding back into Ushijima’s face as he wrapped a hand around Ushijima’s cock and closed his fist around the base. It was hard for him to concentrate on anything else when Ushijima was eating his ass like he was doing now.

Ushijima growled possessively at that, smacking Oikawa’s right ass cheek again before gripping it hard. Oikawa’s vision blurred and he whined. Ushijima pressed his other hand to the small of Oikawa’s back, softly running his fingers over his skin, wet with sweat. Ushijima pushed his face in deeper, sucked and licked at Oikawa in response to Oikawa tonguing at the slit of his cock. Ushijima pulled back and he reached down to rub at Oikawa’s balls with his mouth. He gave himself completely to eating Oikawa’s ass just as Oikawa was returning the favor. It was an unsaid challenge: who can make the other come first. 

He was aware of his knees pushed so far into the mattress, knew that he looked like a complete slut and the thought made him burn hot.

Sucking Ushijima’s cock was probably Oikawa’s favorite thing in the world now. Second to playing volleyball, of course. He hummed as his cheeks hollowed out, Ushijima’s cock filling mouth. He tasted Ushijima, running his tongue over the slit over and over again, familiarizing himself with the bitter taste of his precome until Ushijima gripped his ass again and fucking shoved his tongue inside him. 

“Oh my god,” Oikawa cried out because finally Ushijima was—God, Oikawa could barely see straight. “Please, fuck me.” 

Then, Ushijima’s fingers were inside him and this time they’re little cold because they’re coated with lube. The stretch was strange at first but Oikawa took a deep breath and tried to relax as Ushijima pumped his fingers in and out, again, and again, borderline teasing him – “Give me more,” he demanded, turning around and glaring at Ushijima. 

It wasn’t long before Ushijima found his prostate, three fingers up to the knuckle, and started prodding, making Oikawa see stars. He threw his head back as he put his hands on Ushijima’s thighs for leverage and started rolling his hips against Ushijima’s fingers, humming at the burn and pleasure. His own thighs were straining and spread wide but Ushijima was relentless, moving his fingers at his own pace, fucking him and before Oikawa knew it, Ushijima’s tongue was also teasing along his rim again. It’s fucking brutal and suddenly Oikawa hated him, hated for him for how good he was at taking Oikawa apart because he’s pretty sure he was going to come soon.

“Please,” Oikawa begged as he fell forward, his back aching from all the times he arched back. “Come on, old man.”

“Stop calling me that,” Ushijima began. 

Oikawa clicked his teeth. “Then get your dick inside me already.”

Soon, Ushijima withdrew his fingers and Oikawa turned over. Ushijima lifted his other hand to push away his bangs from his forehead, no doubt noticing that they were sweat drenched. Oikawa slowly regained his breathing as he watched Ushijima grab the condom that was lying nearby and tore open the packet with his teeth. Oikawa was still dizzy with the need to come but suddenly Ushijima’s lips were finding his mouth for a soft and sensual kiss. Oikawa kissed him back feverishly, running his tongue over his lips, not even caring anymore that it’s a complete mess of a kiss.

Oikawa crawled on Ushijima’s lap again and reached behind himself to guide Ushijima’s cock to his ass. He can barely see straight, knowing that Ushijima is watching his every move. His hands were on Oikawa’s hips, rubbing soft circles on the skin with his thumb, but he let Oikawa take the lead. 

When the head of Ushijima’s cock pushed inside the tight ring of muscle, Oikawa gasped. Even though he had been stretched and prepared, the initial penetration still burned a little. But Ushijima didn’t rush him, moving one of his hands from his hip towards his back lower back. Ushijima’s fingers softly soothed him and he leaned up to kiss Oikawa along his jaw up to his ear.

“We can go slow if you would like,” Ushijima softly whispered as he kissed Oikawa, drinking in his gasps and moans. 

“No, it’s okay,” Oikawa said, trying to gain some control. He leaned his hand on Ushijima’s chest and he spread his thighs and sat himself completely until Ushijima’s balls rubbed against his ass. _God_ , Ushijima felt incredible. He swallowed hard—trying not to fall over from how full he was.

Ushijima was biting his lip, obviously trying to hold back from thrusting up into Oikawa and Oikawa smiled back at him weakly. “Sorry, give me a minute,” he began. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Ushijima then said, leaning up to lightly bite on Oikawa’s lower lip. When he gained momentum, he started moving up and down, flexing his thighs and trying to set a pace. It was fucking perfect. 

“God,” Oikawa sobbed out, “You feel so good.”

His own dick bounced every time he fucked himself; leaking precome and leaving a mess on Ushijima’s abdomen. Ushijima’s hand moved and touched his cock, gathering the precome on the slit before he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked, making an obscene wet noise. It was the hottest fucking thing Oikawa’d ever seen and suddenly he reached for Ushijima’s wrist and slid the same fingers in his mouth, running his tongue over the fingertips where his precome had just been, teeth lightly grazing as he clenched around Ushijima’s width. It seemed to work as he watched Ushijima’s eyes lid a little as he breathed harshly and Oikawa took it as a sign that this was something he was also into. He felt triumphant and picked up the pace. 

Ushijima started pushing his own hips up to meet Oikawa’s own, shoving his cock inside him at an unforgiving pace. Oikawa mewled, completely forgone caring the kinds of noises that Ushijima was fucking out of him because it felt _too good_. Every single thrust Ushijima pushed was hard, his hips smacking against the back of Oikawa’s thighs, and the sound of their skin slapping turned Ushijima on so much that he called out Oikawa’s name in a low voice, barely a whisper, the first thing he’s said in a while. Oikawa moaned, loving the way his name fell through Ushijima’s lips. 

He moved his hips in little circles until suddenly, in the perfect position, Ushijima's cock rubbed against his prostate, sending a thrill down his spine, one that he clung to each and every time. His thighs were starting to strain and it suddenly occurred to Oikawa how embarrassing it would be if he got a cramp right now in the middle of them having sex. It wouldn’t be the first time but it’s not like he’s eager to relive that pain again.

“Hey,” Oikawa leaned down and stopped. His own cock was so hard and he could feel his orgasm building up but then it was gone, leaving as much as a touch of pleasure down in his groin. He wiped his brow and breathed out, feeling small under Ushijima’s gaze who looked up at him expectantly and attentive. “Can we switch?” 

Oikawa looked down to his knee, about to continue until Ushijima understood almost immediately. “Of course, whatever you want.”

He gasped when Ushijima slid out of him, feeling empty, and gave a tug on his own neglected cock before they switched and he was on his back. Ushijima grabbed onto his thighs and pulled him closer. Oikawa leaned up on his elbows, wetting his lips and then letting his head fall back when Ushijima slid easily back into him. Oikawa dug his heels into the mattress as he arched and tried to push against Ushijima. Ushijima’s hands moved from Oikawa’s knees to his chest, pinching his nipples and Oikawa moaned, a hand making a fist in the bed sheet. 

His other hand was on his own dick, giving himself a firm stroke before fondling his balls knowing that like this, Ushijima had a clear view of his dick sliding in and out of Oikawa. He watched Ushijima’s gaze move from his chest down to where his dick was fucking him, saw that his pupils were blown wide at the lewd image and Oikawa smirked. 

Oikawa pulled Ushijima down, wrapped his arms around his neck. “Harder, I can take it, please—I’m close.” 

Ushijima met his gaze again, both of their foreheads covered in sweat, breathing harshly against each other’s mouths. Ushijima kissed him again before he leaned back up, gripped at Oikawa’s thighs, fingers digging into the soft flesh and practically bent him in half, fucking him harder. He didn’t take his eyes off Oikawa, the way his mouth hanged open, lips trembling and eyes lidded.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Oikawa could feel it, his orgasm and—shit, he groaned loudly as he came, his back arching and his eyes screwed shut as his thighs shaked. He came on his stomach in thick spurts and Ushijima didn’t stop, kept fucking him through his orgasm until Oikawa was whining at the overstimulation. “Oikawa,” Ushijima said his name again until he, too, was coming and groaning loudly against Oikawa’s neck.

After a second seconds, Oikawa ran his fingers through Ushijima’s hair, fingertips grazing the short buzz above his neck line. Oikawa gave him a small smile when Ushijima leaned back up from him. “You’re still a good lay. Who would have guessed.”

“I aim to please in some ways.” Ushijima replied as he got off Oikawa completely to remove the condom. It’s one thing to be fucked but a _good_ fuck is rare and Oikawa was riding a high. His body was weak and his eyes were adjusting as he hazily stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom, feeling the bed dip when Ushijima got back on the bed and laid next to him. He’s aware that Ushijima’s fingertips were lightly tracing shapes on his arm.

“Stay,” Ushijima simply asked and Oikawa couldn’t find it in his heart to tell him no.

* * *

Oikawa woke the next morning feeling someone’s breath on his shoulder. He was leaning against something… someone. He was in Ushijima’s apartment, right. He tried to move but his body was mostly entangled with Ushijima’s. Sometime during the night they had gotten closer with their arms around one another.

He opened his eyes and saw that Ushijima was still fast asleep. Getting out of his embrace was difficult but not impossible and a few minutes later, Oikawa was sliding his shirt over his head and looking around the room for his boxers. He found them underneath Ushijima’s discarded clothes and walked out of the bedroom careful to not wake him up. He grabbed his cellphone and saw that he had 3 missed calls and over a dozen text messages, the majority of them from Iwaizumi and Kuroo. 

He didn’t bother reading them, just looked for Iwaizumi’s number and dialed back. He walked down the hallway to the living room, carefully taking in his surroundings and really noticing that Ushijima’s apartment was in fact really, really nice if the floor to ceiling windows giving a rather impressive view of the city were anything to go by. 

Some of the blinds weren’t completely pulled together so a generous amount of sunshine came through the windows, lighting up the place in a warm glow that Oikawa really liked. He had the shittiest view back at his bedroom in his shared apartment with Iwaizumi. 

“Where are you?” Iwaizumi answered his phone.

“Good morning to you, too,” Oikawa said leaning against one of the counter tops in the kitchen. He grinned to himself when he saw an espresso machine. 

“I take it you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere?”

“Very mean, Iwa-chan. I told you where I was going last night.” 

“You texted, you didn’t tell me. Are you still there?”

Oikawa looked at the clock on the stovetop and saw that it was a little after 08:05. Damn his early bird tendencies. “Yeah, it felt kind of rude to just get up and leave.”

To that he heard Iwaizumi chuckle. “You’ve done it before, what’s so different this time?”

That made Oikawa stop and think for a moment because Iwaizumi was right. And yet, here he was going through Ushijima’s kitchen cabinets looking for coffee mugs. Maybe he hit his head when they had sex last night because even he was surprised. 

“I need coffee first. Plus, I’m not... really sure where I am.”

The bruises on his hips and the hickeys on his neck that Oikawa observed when he stared at himself in the mirror in the living room gave him a warm feeling. He absent mindedly listened to Iwaizumi talk about how the rest of the night went on. He faintly remembered that Kuroo and Bokuto ended up doing shots and shook his head. Drinking with them was dangerous but challenging them to shots was asking for an early death. 

“Also, what do you mean you don’t know where you are?” Oikawa had to pull the receiver from his ear at how loudly Iwaizumi was reprimanding him. Oikawa sighed and pouted.

“I’m still in the city if that’s what you’re asking. Of course I wouldn’t leave,” Oikawa looked at the rather expensive looking espresso machine, unsure of where the ‘on’ button was. Hopefully it wouldn’t make too much noise. 

Oikawa looked at the large shelf full of books, a record player and frames with pictures of Ushijima and two dogs. He looked younger in the photographs by a couple years but then again, Oikawa didn’t exactly how old he was. There were trophies as well but he didn’t get a good look at them. Still, the surrounds of his home, a balcony that housed a small garden, and a lot of photography books on the coffee table—gave no clear indication of what Ushijima did for a living. 

“So was it good?”

The question broke his train of thought and Oikawa suddenly remembered the way his chest had filled with an unexplainable feeling when Ushijima kissed him and fucked him mercilessly. Oikawa smirked. “Are you asking me if the sex was good, Iwa-chan? You’re such a pervert, I knew it.”

“Fuck off. Just make sure you get home in one piece, alright? I’d hate to explain to the team why you didn't show up for practice.”

Just then when the espresso machine is done brewing his coffee, Oikawa heard the door to the bedroom open. 

“Shit. I’ll see you later, Iwa-chan, ok? Bye!” he said as he ended the call, cutting Iwaizumi off mid-conversation. He set the phone on the table and walked to the counter, looking down the hallway. Ushijima emerged from the bedroom, looking completely disheveled. He was only wearing his boxer shorts and Oikawa brought the coffee mug to his face, covering the way his mouth trembled at the sight of Ushijima’s muscled and defined chest in the clear and bright morning daylight. 

Oikawa smiled sheepishly. “Um, good morning. I made coffee? Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.”

He passed Oikawa before stopping and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I had presumed that you had left already. Thank you for the coffee.” 

“You’re welcome.” Oikawa simply said. He was still too focused on Ushijima having kissed his forehead and resting his hand on his right cheek. The motion was too intimate and too domestic and he didn’t do either of those. 

Ushijima gave him a pointed look and Oikawa noticed for the first time that Ushijima was sporting his own share of souvenirs of their time together. Down his chest were marks and bruises, no doubt Oikawa’s doing from when he enthusiastically rode Ushijima’s dick. The thought of it made him blush slightly, bringing red to his cheeks. But somehow, on top of that slight embarrassment, there was hope, because Oikawa had quite never found someone who was on the same wavelength as him. 

“I don’t have any regrets, though, before you start getting any ideas,” Oikawa quickly added as he brought the mug to his lips and tasted his coffee. 

“Good,” is all Ushijima said before he moved away. “Are you hungry? I can make something for us both.”

“You want to make me breakfast?”

Ushijima’s expression didn’t change. “Yes, is there a problem?”

“No, it’s just… well, I’m not sure why I’m still here is all. You know how it is, Ushiwaka-chan. No offense. But, I’m not that much of an asshole either so I’ll stay since you’re offering.” 

Well, it’s not like Oikawa had anywhere to be that morning so he averted his gaze. He was sure that if he kept staring at Ushijima making breakfast in nothing but his boxer shorts, he would get down on his knees and blow him, no questions asked. Oikawa had more self restraint than that. Besides, the more he spent in Ushijima’s apartment, the more he didn’t want to leave and that was problematic. 

Ushijima, as it turned out, was an excellent cook. Oikawa frowned a little when he took his first bite of his omelette, asking himself what what else Ushijima was good at. But he never would never turn down a free meal, not with his habit of burning any meal attempts of his own. It’s why Iwaizumi always took the lead when they made dinner together. It was a system that worked out just fine. 

They were sitting at the dining table that was really all too big for the both of them. In the middle was a glass vase with some flowers and Oikawa also noticed the stacks of papers, and a laptop that had been pushed to the side to make room for their breakfast. Oikawa occasionally stole glances at Ushijima and looked away when Ushijima’s gaze met his own. 

“So, what do you do for a living?” Oikawa asked. 

Ushijima looked up from his food. “I’m an admin leader and partner of a non-profit agricultural initiative. An organization meant to provide available, affordable, nutritious food. My team focuses on delivering innovative products that can have a positive effect on the quality of life for all farmers, their families and the rural communities in which they live in. The environment needs to be cared for and farmers around the world have to earn a fair return for their hard work. We also work towards a positive effect this can have on consumers.”

It’s not quite what Oikawa expected but… it made so much sense. What Oikawa saw outside on the balcony overviewing the city, was also an impressive garden on every single corner. If there’s anything Oikawa was sure of, it’s that he’s is completely sure that they are well cared for and given enough love. This was obviously important to Ushijima. 

“Oh, well, that’s really impressive,” Oikawa began but doesn’t push it any further. He still wanted to ask so many questions but he also felt self-conscious about it, putting himself out there because of all sudden he wanted to know about Ushijima and that’s not supposed to happen. 

“What about you? I take it that you go to one of the universities?”

Oikawa played with the corner of his napkin. “Obviously nothing as grand as you. I came here to play volleyball. I just started my second year.”

Ushijima looked at him, his brow pulled up in surprise but within a second it’s gone when he picked up his own coffee mug. Ushijima doesn’t ask any more questions and neither does he and they finish their breakfast in a comfortable silence while the rest of the city woke up around them. 

They have sex again and Oikawa tried not to think too hard on the fact that he would miss this if only for the good lay Ushijima was. And his pleasant manners that made their time together tolerable. Once he was washed up and somewhat presentable even though his pelvis and thighs are burning, Oikawa left Ushijima’s apartment. Ushijima didn’t say anything besides his goodbye and for Oikawa to take care. They kissed again at his doorstep before Oikawa gained self-control, pulled back and walked away.

He was certain that he would not see Ushijima again.

The morning was cool, and there was a breeze, so Oikawa zipped up his sweater and reached inside his pocket for his phone. He was about to bring up a blank text message to tell Iwaizumi that he was on his way home when he saw that along with his phone was also a small sticky note stuck to the back. In sleek handwriting Oikawa read:

_Oikawa,_

_This is my phone number. I don’t have yours but I hope to hear from you soon._

Instantly, Oikawa knew that it was Ushijima and his first reaction was anger because Ushijima had gone through his things? No, perhaps he had just slipped it inside his pocket while Oikawa was in the bathroom washing up. Still, it irked him that he had managed to get through to Oikawa like this. When Oikawa reached the subway platform, he bit his lip and shoved the note back in his pocket. He sent a text message to Kuroo instead.

_10:22: I’m so fucked._

* * *

It wasn’t until he was shuffling out of his shoes that Oikawa realized that he was exhausted; truly exhausted. There was no sign that anyone was home and he was a little glad for it. He doesn’t know what he would have said if Iwaizumi had seen him stumbling in sporting obvious hickeys and bite marks on his neck. He wouldn’t be able to hide them unless the collar of his jacket was pulled up and he was in no rush to continue their phone call from this morning.

The clock read 10:50 when he sat at the dinner table nursing a second cup of coffee that might as well have been black as his heart. Oikawa then looked up when the door to Iwaizumi’s room suddenly opened. He expected it to be Iwaizumi, but instead a certain Kageyama Tobio stepped out, yawning and rubbing at his eyes. Oikawa sat there in silence, rigid in disbelief. 

Kageyama hadn’t even noticed him yet as he turned around and walked down the hall. Oikawa blinked because Kageyama was wearing nothing except one of Iwaizumi’s shirts with their university’s name printed on the front. The shirt was big on him and it hung just past his hips covering the goods (thankfully, Oikawa thought to himself. He didn’t know what he would have done if he had started off his weekend staring at Tobio’s dick) but still, his thighs and legs were uncovered and not much was left to the imagination. His hair was an absolute mess, standing up on every end and exhibiting every possible cowlick. Then, Oikawa saw the hickeys and bruising on his neck. Eventually Kageyama realized from his peripheral vision that he was not alone and looked towards Oikawa. His cheeks immediately went red. 

“Holy shit,” Kageyama breathed. 

“Good morning Tobio-chan.” Oikawa said, trying to sound as cheerful as he could be. He was still deciding whether this morning had just gotten better or had taken a turn for the absolute worst. 

“Um.” 

“My thoughts exactly,” Oikawa began. “Hm and before you say that it’s not what what I think it is, let me remind you that you are in my shared apartment, wearing absolutely nothing except Iwa-chan’s shirt and stepping out of his bedroom on a Saturday morning. I know it is exactly what it looks like.” He stirred the coffee in his cup casually before taking a sip. He needed to go easy on the caffeine today. 

Kageyama honestly looked like he would rather die which amused Oikawa to no end. Since when had this been a thing? Since when was he so shit at catching the signs? After a couple long dreadful seconds of silence, Kageyama cleared his throat and motioned for the bathroom. 

“I’m just going to, uhm, yeah.” 

“Please, go right ahead,” Oikawa said as he waved his hand. If this was going to become a thing then Oikawa desperately need to hound Iwa-chan for details when he didn’t feel like his head was going to split open. He got up from the table just as Kageyama shut the door to the bathroom. 

He picked up his mess of textbooks and papers on the dining table and carried everything back to his bedroom. He rummaged through his drawers for a fresher, cleaner set of clothes, hoping to hop in the shower after Kageyama was done. The coffee was starting to kick in but it was also making his headache even worse. Fantastic.

He should probably get started on his homework for the upcoming week. They had a practice match with another university on Wednesday and a ton of assignments between now and then. He’d made it a goal to get everything done by then. Because he had class Monday morning and nothing in the afternoon, Oikawa still used his Mondays as time to rest but in the past he had gotten the habit of switching Mondays with his Sundays. It looked like this weekend was going to be another exception. 

He didn’t think about Ushijima and picked up the note that was shoved in the pocket of his jacket and dropped it inside one of the dried up coffee mugs on his desk. He’d think about it later. Right now, he just wanted to sleep for a couple more hours.

* * *

“Tobio says that he ran into you this morning,” Iwaizumi began, scratching at the nape of his neck like he would honestly rather do anything else but stand here and talk about this.

“Yup,” was all Oikawa said as he lounged face down on the couch. “Wasn’t wearing much besides your shirt. Nice going by the way. Bagging my kouhai, I mean.”

His tone was sarcastic and Oikawa wasn’t sure if he really meant it to be. He’s more hurt that Iwaizumi hadn’t told him before and tried to hide it like some sort of dirty secret. They were best friends! Iwaizumi rarely asked about his one night stands so he didn’t owe anything to him but it still hurt. It wasn’t anything that Oikawa couldn’t get over but that wasn’t the point. 

“Look,” Iwaizumi sighed. He didn’t particularly want to explain this so early on but he knew that Oikawa deserved to know. “It kind of just happened.”

“He’s liked you since junior high,” Oikawa filled in.

“He liked us both. You just barely gave him anything.”

“Because we are rivals!” 

“Were rivals.” Iwaizumi corrected, crossing his arms over his chest and looking rather annoyed. 

“Not for long. He’ll be coming to Tokyo soon.”

“Is that what you’re really worried about? Tobio beating you again?” Iwaizumi scoffed. Oikawa looked up and saw that he was smirking down on him. Oikawa rolled his eyes.

“Fine, it’s not really about that. I just wished you had told me, Iwa-chan. We are best friends after all.”

“We are best friends, nothing is going to change that. And don’t say that because we are best friends we tell each other everything because that’s bullshit and you know it.”

“What does that supposed to mean?” 

“Most of the time you don’t even say where you’re going. Half the time you come back and you’re completely unaware of the the storm you’re stirring up.”

“Point taken.” Oikawa sat up on the couch when Iwaizumi came and sat down next to him. Oikawa hugged his knees to his chest, feeling unexceptionally hurt now. “I’m sorry, alright? It’s just. Tobio, really? Of all people?”

“Yeah, like I said. It kind of just happened.”

It’s hard to wrap around the fact that Iwaizumi was sleeping with Tobio-chan. So were they really dating? Since when?

“Just recently. Like over-summer-break kind of recently. But it kind of started after the prelims.” Iwaizumi answered as he looked down at his hands. Oikawa realized that he spoke aloud. “I mean, you know how it was after that match.”

“You knew, then? Knew that he had a thing for us since we were back in junior high?”

“I did, yeah, I thought it was because we were older and it was just a crush that would eventually go away as he got older. When we went back home during the winter break when we were first years, I ran into him at the court and well, I guess you can imagine what happened after that. We didn’t officially get together until recently though and I didn’t tell you about it before because well, I was kind of afraid of what you’d say.”

“Are you saying my opinion is important to you, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa grinned.

“Shut the fuck up,” Iwaizumi pushed at Oikawa and got up from the couch before looking back at him. “So, are we cool then?”

“Just tell me one more thing,” Oikawa asked as he mulled over the question before smiling coyly. “Is the sex good? What kind of bottom is he exactly?”

“I’m not answering that question. Bye.” Iwaizumi deadpanned and immediately turned his back and walked into the kitchen. 

“Iwa-chan!”

* * *

It was Wednesday after the match and Oikawa leaned on his knees, feeling the burn on his thighs when Iwaizumi came up behind him and laid his hand on his shoulder. He was no longer sore from Friday night but the memory of Ushijima was somewhat nice to think about. The hickeys and bite marks long since faded now, though.

“Hey, you okay?” Iwaizumi asked softly with worry on his brow.

“I’m fine, Iwa-chan. Just a little tired.”

They’d won the match, having taken back the second set after narrowly losing. Oikawa knew that Iwaizumi didn’t believe him; having already been too used to his tendency to brush things off but he didn’t press anymore. 

They’d won and that was all that mattered.

Later that night, Oikawa settled down on his place on the couch next to Kenma as the two shared a plate which he balanced on his knees. Kuroo sat next to Kenma and reached for a bite before Kenma smacked his hand. 

“You’ve already had one,” Kenma said, side glancing at Kuroo who had tried to steal a bite from his food.

They were over at Kuroo and Bokuto’s. It wasn’t unusual to see Kenma or Akaashi around either since they both went to school in the city as well. It hadn’t hard for Iwaizumi and Oikawa to fall into the group of Bokuto, Kuroo, Kenma and Akaashi. They all got along so well, like a clique and there was no doubt that Oikawa and Iwaizumi wanted to play with the best and so did Bokuto and Kuroo. Oikawa especially clicked with Akaashi, inquiring about Bokuto as a player and how he dealt with him as his setter. They bonded over that.

“Bokuto, you’re going to miss the movie.” Akaashi called out to the kitchen. They were going to watch a movie just released on blu-ray that Oikawa had seen in theaters with Iwaizumi months ago but the others hadn’t yet. 

“Sooo Oikawa,” Kuroo said after he picked at his own takeout box. “Iwaizumi said you went home with someone last Friday night.”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said as he turned to look at him with a deadly smile. “What part of low-key did you not get through that nice big head of yours?”

Iwaizumi threw Oikawa and sleazy smile as he went back to eating his food. “Where did you guys go out anyway?” He then asked. 

“We finally checked out that bar the second years were talking about. It was pretty nice. Really crowded though and kind of far.” Bokuto said. 

“I guess it all worked out because I would have thought you’d come back with us and crash here,” Kuroo said pointing to Oikawa, “next time you wanna stay over, you’re sleeping on the couch. You hog all the sheets.” Kuroo added in between bites.

“I do not! That’s a lie.” Oikawa frowned.

"Wait, you’ve slept together?" Iwaizumi asked.

"Yup, it's very gay but have you actually slept on the pullout bed of this couch before? It's fucking shitty. Not even I would put Oikawa through that. That reminds me," Kuroo said as he poked Bokuto with his foot. “We should look into getting a new one soon.” 

Bokuto threw his hands up. "It was a free couch!" 

“Anyway,” Akaashi said as he looked at Oikawa. “Back to the important part of this conversation: the guy you went home with.” He pushed away Bokuto who had tried to steal one of his curly fries. This entire meal was honestly a disaster but they really needed it after a stressful week so far with the practice match.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he just happened to be at that bar that night. Said he was there with his friends but he obviously looked out of his element. He bought me a couple of drinks though.”

“That’s usually a good sign. Is he hot?” Kuroo asked.

“Unbelievably. He can honestly deadlift me any day."

"That's so fucking gay." Bokuto said. 

“Exactly.”

“So keep fucking. Nothing wrong with that.” Kuroo said. 

“Oikawa said that he stayed the morning after only because the guy made him breakfast.” Iwaizumi then added as he slurped from his own milkshake. 

Oikawa wondered how easily would it be to hide a body in this city. The smirk Iwaizumi is throwing at him is just as deadly. 

“Did you get his number? Are you going to see him again? Wait! Was the sex and food good because that’s important. And how good is the pillow talk because that’s important, too,” Bokuto asked. 

“Yeah I have his number. Ugh, do we really have to do this? Can we watch this movie first? Then we can play 21 questions.” Oikawa frowned. But, he knew his friends all too well. They weren’t going to let this go. “One night stands, remember? I’m not supposed to know more than the basics.” Oikawa sheepishly said, looking away. He hadn’t told any of them, including Iwaizumi, that Ushijima wasn’t just a one night stand anymore; it had been their third time together. He would rather die than admit something like that because he knew the shit storm his friends would cause. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it, it was the fact that while Oikawa tried not to think about him, his mind always went back to Ushijima. 

And for the first time, Oikawa wanted to get to know someone. Really know someone. That was what scared him the most. Oikawa wasn’t supposed to care about his one night stands. 

Instead, he kept clinging onto the way Ushijima’s broad hands felt around his hips, like they had always belonged there. At night when he tossed and turned, he would remember the way Ushijima’s lips felt on his neck, leaving soft kisses that sent shivers down his spine like no one had before. Oikawa could _not_ stop thinking about it.

“When someone’s dick obviously has you on the edge like this, it’s usually trying to tell you something.” Kuroo said, smirking.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now. You’re all no longer welcome inside my apartment.”

Iwaizumi coughed, “You mean our shared home, right?”

“Yes,” Oikawa then said, grinning wide. “How about I tell everyone how Kageyama Tobio walked out of your bedroom Saturday morning wearing nothing but your t-shirt?”

There was silence in the living room for a couple of seconds before it erupted in wolf whistles and laughter and truly, Oikawa would never get over seeing Iwaizumi blush beet red. Even Kenma had looked up from his DS in mild curiosity. 

“Holy shit, this is golden. You’ve gotta tell us more,” Kuroo said as he wiped tears from his eyes. He bent over in laughter again as Bokuto got himself ready for the details. 

“It’s not the first time Tobio’s been over,” Iwaizumi frowned. “He just happened to be there when Oikawa got home Saturday morning. And yeah, we’re together and we fuck and he stays over, what’s the big deal?”

Akaashi looked to Oikawa, clearly not done with their earlier conversation.

“You said you have this man’s number, right? Why don’t you call him to see if he wants to see you again. If yes, then great, if not then it’s not really the end of the world is it?” 

“Yeah, what’s so different from the people you’ve slept with before?” Kuroo then asked as he recovered. Kenma had moved to lean on him and now Kuroo’s arm was around his shoulder. He was still playing on his DS but also looked up at Oikawa expectantly. 

“I’m not sure,” Oikawa said honestly. “You know that’s not how I do things.”

“You never know though, that’s the thing. What’s he do anyway? Please tell me you got to at least know something about him before you peaced out.” Bokuto said as he handed back Akaashi’s milkshake. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Are we going to see this movie or not?”

They only get halfway through the movie before Iwaizumi got a call from Kageyama and sheepishly got up and made his way to the door. They couldn’t stop laughing and yelling and Oikawa took it as a win when Iwaizumi shoved his middle finger at them all before slamming the door to the apartment shut behind him. Served him right. 

The following morning, Oikawa woke up and felt a little light headed. When he turned over and looked up he saw that that clock on his desk read 06:30.

His eyes widened a little and he wondered why he had woken up at such an ungodly hour. He didn’t have to be up for another couple of hours and yet his mind was blaring, so alarmingly that he had to sit up and rub his temple. He pulled the bedcovers back and walked out of the room. The sunrise was starting to fill the living room of the apartment. Oikawa went into the kitchen for a glass of water. When he got back into bed, he stuffed his pillow up so that he had something to lean on and went through his phone. He looked through his messages. Some from Kuroo after he let him know that he and Iwaizumi had gotten home safe, tweet notifications from his fans and emails from his professors regarding papers that were due next week.

His thumb hovered over the contact listing for Ushijima. That was all that was on it and his telephone number. He wanted to make contact, he wanted to speak to him and hear his voice and yet never acted on it. It went on like this, Oikawa switching back and forth on whether to send a text message and ultimately closing the window. All of a sudden, he gripped his phone and dialed.

On the second ring, the other end picked up. Oikawa took a breath. “Ushijima?”

“Oikawa?” came the thick reply with sleepiness and Oikawa had to suppress a shiver that ran down his spine. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I am. Why would I not be?”

“You are calling at an early time.” Oikawa could hear some rustling on the other end and this time Ushijima’s voice was clearer. Awake. “But, I’m glad you called.”

“Not like I had a choice with you leaving your phone number without telling me about it first.”

“You always had a choice.”

“Can I see you soon?” Oikawa ripped off the bandaid. There was no going back now. “I mean… if you want to.”

“Yes,” Ushijima said immediately. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well for starters, do you want to get coffee with me sometime?”

* * *

When Oikawa woke the following Sunday morning, he reached over to pull Ushijima close except he couldn’t find him. Oikawa frowned, trying to reach again and when he opened his eyes he saw that the right side of the bed was empty. Oikawa looked around for any sign of Ushijima but he was nowhere to be found. He looked over and saw that there was a note on the nightstand next to him.

_Tooru,_

_My fridge is shockingly empty. I stepped out to buy some groceries to make breakfast, I’ll be back soon._

_W_

Oikawa wasn’t sure when this happened, not having even noticed when Ushijima left the bed, but he got up anyway and stretched, feeling the muscles stretch on his back. Oikawa idly remembered that he did in fact have homework to do. It wasn’t like they had plans for the day anyway. Oikawa just wanted to see Ushijima and that meant coming over to his apartment the night before and staying up late until they’re both breathless, having made a mess on the bed.

He picked up his shirt and boxers as well as Ushijima’s and dropped them in the hamper, not too thinking too hard about mixing in his laundry with Ushijima’s. That was nothing new. He was just doing him a favor. 

He decided on taking a quick shower and when he walked out into the bedroom again, he decided on looking through Ushijima’s drawer for something to wear. He looked through one drawer and found a shirt. It was faded but it was white and purple. He turned it around and saw the words printed on the back.

_Shiratorizawa._

So was this where he went to high school? Ushijima was from the Miyagi prefecture? Oikawa mused the question over and over again as he held the shirt. It was well worn and Oikawa brought it to his face and breathed in. It smelled like Ushijima and... he didn’t think twice before he threw it over his head. It didn’t seem any different and Oikawa walked towards the mirror that was in the bathroom. He looked... strange. Having been used to the white and light teal of Seijou colors. Just like every other of Ushijima’s shirts, it fit him a bit loose on the torso and the collar but it was essentially a perfect fit, no doubt having been worn by a 17 year old Ushijima. The fact that he still kept it in his drawer with his other shirts meant that it was still important to him. 

When he heard the door unlocking, Oikawa dropped the book that was sitting on the coffee table and got up. 

Ushijima walked through the door, wearing a jacket and some sweats and carrying bags of groceries. 

“Hey, you’re back,” Oikawa said as he walked up to help him set the bags on the countertop. He also leaned up and kissed Ushijima on the mouth quickly before he went rummaging through what he had gotten. It was a light peck on the lips but Oikawa saw on the corner of his eye that Ushijima had stood still for more than a few seconds and then it occurred to Oikawa that was still staring at him. Confused, Oikawa followed his gaze and looked down at himself, worried that he had something on his face but it clicked. Ushijima saw that he was wearing his old shirt from Shiratorizawa. 

Oikawa blushed and looked away, his hands already gripping the hem. “Shit, I hope it’s not weird …I can take it off if you want. I know how important it is to you—” 

Ushijima gripped his arm and pulled him and kissed him again, harder this time and Oikawa closed his eyes and relaxed because it wasn’t anger that was coming off Ushijima. Far from it. Ushijima liked that he was wearing his old jersey. Oikawa smiled to himself, loving the way that he kept catching Ushijima off guard. 

Together they begin making breakfast. Well, Ushijima made breakfast. Oikawa made them tea. 

When they finished eating, Oikawa moved almost on autopilot to take care of the dishes. It was he least he could do.

Ushijima was outside on the balcony tending to his plants on the planters around the railing. Oikawa stole glances at Ushijima every now and then, watching the way he gently cared for his plants. It somehow made him aware that he barely knew Ushijima apart from the basics. To really know someone went further than just knowing what they did for a living and how they took their tea. Oikawa wanted to know more. 

Ushijima had left the door of the balcony open so there was a little breeze flowing through every now and then, the curtains blowing to the muffled sound of the city outside. Ushijima disappeared into his office down the hall and moments later appeared again, this time with his laptop and his own stack of papers.

That was how they spent the rest of the day; quietly working alongside one another without speaking. He couldn't stay the night, though he wanted nothing more. At the end of the day, he was still a student.

“What do you usually do?” Oikawa casually asked after a couple of hours of comfortable silence. At this point, Oikawa had been slowly going in and out of consciousness, flipping through the television channels and figured that he should probably head on home. There was only so long he could stay here before he overstayed his welcome, something he had gotten self-conscious about. “Outside of work I mean. What’s a day in the life of someone who makes partner? What do 35 year olds do?”

Ushijima looked up from his laptop. “Apart from being a workaholic and married to my work? I sometimes dog-sit.”

Oikawa sat up. “Really? Since when?”

“It’s not constant but every now and then,” Ushijima replied. “I have been a little busy at work recently and I usually get home very late.”

“Oh my god,” Oikawa laid back down, throwing his arm across his eyes. “All this time and we could have been living a true domestic life with dogs. Say no more, I am truly disappointed.” 

Ushijima smiled. “I do have deadlines to meet when I’m not at work, you realize this right?”

“Did you have dogs of your own?” Oikawa then asked, turning over so that he was lying his stomach. Ushijima had really comfortable couches. He could fall asleep on them so easily. Everything in this apartment was dangerous. 

“I did when I was younger. They passed away before my second year of high school, they were fairly old.”

“I have one back home. She’s not really mine though. Belongs mostly to my mother but I pretty much took care of her when she got sick a couple years ago.”

"I'm sorry to hear it," Ushijima began. Oikawa waved his hand.

"It's fine. She's better now."

Ushijima stayed silent, his eyes staring intently on Oikawa but Oikawa didn’t shy away this time. Instead he climbed on Ushijima’s lap, laptop and work be damned. Oikawa’s legs splayed open as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Ushijima’s. They closed their eyes and sighed.

Oikawa closed his eyes and breathed before he kissed Ushijima. His mouth and lips tasted like honey and Oikawa sighed because _yes_ , this is what he had been missing all along. Ushijima wasted no time pulling Oikawa close to his chest as he kissed him, gasping when Oikawa licked into his mouth and pulled on his lower lip. Ushijima liked to kiss him slow and thorough and the thrill of Ushijima’s tongue sliding against his own sent a jolt to his groin. Ushijima hands had been on Oikawa’s hips but they moved up, fingers slipping in under the jersey that he was wearing. Oikawa then pulled back and took one of Ushijima’s hands in his own and covered it over his groin, watching as Ushijima’s pupils dilated when he felt his cock. Being this way, this forward, it made Oikawa hot. He wondered when he became such an exhibitionist for Ushijima. 

He grinded his hips in a slow circle. “Fuck me,” Oikawa then whispered, eyes lidding when Ushijima palmed his cock through the fabric of his shorts. Oikawa could feel Ushijima’s erection and it made him close his eyes because he was suddenly missing the feeling of Ushijima inside of him. 

Ushijima then picked up Oikawa who in turn wrapped his legs around his waist and held on. He walked them to the bedroom, a weak attempt because Oikawa kissed him the entire way, running his hands through Ushijima’s hair, softly grazing his fingers and pulling. “You sure you’re okay to do this all the time, old man?” Oikawa teased. 

Ushijima grunted and when they got to the bed he gently dropped Oikawa first before he stood back up and took off his shirt. “I assure you that I am in acceptable shape for my age.” 

“If you say so,” Oikawa then mused, licking his lips at the sight of Ushijima again, never growing tired of his physique. For his age, he still looked good. _Really good_. 

He reached for the end of the jersey to pull over his head but Ushijima stopped him. “Don’t,” he said as he got down on his knees and reached for the waistband of Oikawa’s boxers. “Keep it on.”

A shudder went up Oikawa’s spine and he swallowed, nodding before he moved his hands; not knowing where exactly to put them. He closed his eyes when he felt Ushijima’s warm breath on his stomach, his mouth laying kisses on the tender skin there. Oikawa swallowed and tried to keep calm but truthfully, anything with Ushijima was anything but calm. 

Ushijima’s hands rested on Oikawa’s hips and pulled him closer. 

“Spread your legs,” Ushijima said after he pulled Oikawa’s boxers down to his knees and over his ankles. His eyes never left Oikawa’s body as he etched the lithe body beneath him to memory. Under that piercing gaze, Oikawa felt nervous. He... He wanted to be good for Ushijima. Ushijima always managed to ignite a fire in him that made him burn dark, and a side of him that practically made him get on his hands and knees and push his ass up like the good boy he knew he could be for him. The first time Oikawa had laid his eyes on Ushijima at the bar where they met, he knew that Ushijima was a man that bled dominance. It was hard to pull that from him though, when he realized that Ushijima was also one of the most caring yet blunt men he had ever met in his life. It made him feel hot, feverish and starving for Ushijima’s touch. 

Oikawa was about to say something to try and break the tension but he was so turned on that all of this attention, all of it is for him and him alone. This wasn’t like before where they both needed each other fiercely, this time it was going to be slow. Ushijima kissed the inside of his right thigh, pointedly missing his cock that was already leaking. 

The press of his lips is tender and soft, and Oikawa’s breath hitched when he felt Ushijima slightly nip on the skin with his teeth there before moving lower. His breath was warm against his skin, his nose was brushing against the soft hairs on his groin but he didn’t stop there. He was kissing and sucking on his skin, causing Oikawa to softly hiss. With his other hand, Ushijima was rubbing his thumb over his hipbone before his fingers dipped lower and under until they were dipping into the crevice of his ass. Oikawa felt Ushijima’s finger lightly skim over his hole, twitching under his touch. Oikawa leaned up on his elbows and met Ushijima’s gaze just as when he’s _finally_ kissing the base of Oikawa’s cock. 

Oikawa’s hand lazily trailed up his own chest, touching himself and keeping Ushijima’s gaze. No more games. No teasing.

"Who said anything about teasing?" Ushijima challenged before taking Oikawa's cock in his mouth. He never broke eye contact, not even when Oikawa's cock hit the back of his throat before he pulled back up again until just the head was around his lips. Oikawa groaned, head falling back again, challenge be damned because it was completely unfair that Ushijima could deepthroat his dick and still manage to look completely collected. It was absolutely sexy. But Ushijima didn't stop there, he sucked cock like he was born for it and Oikawa was past the point of caring if he was incredibly vocal. His hips twitched, he wanted to thrust up into that hot mouth. Ushijima licked the slit, lazily lapping his tongue and gathering up the precome and savoring the bitter taste. 

"Jesus, don't stop," Oikawa said, one hand tugging on his own nipple. He had racked up the jersey, exposing his chest. His thighs shaked, hips aching to thrust up until Ushijima's arms locked around his thighs, spreading Oikawa even further and lifting one leg so that it hanged off his shoulder. 

The feeling of Ushijima's tongue running up against his cock, mouth sucking until his cheeks hollowed out and seeing Ushijima like this on his knees in front of Oikawa and yet having all the power and all the control—it was too much. 

"Wakatoshi... I'm so close," Oikawa warned breathlessly as he turned his head, trying to hide away his face and the groans that were escaping him. To that, Ushijima groaned around his cock, the vibration of his voice sending thrills down Oikawa’s spine. His forehead and chest are slick with sweat, he was breathing harshly now, his chest heaving and instead Ushijima picked up rhythm, practically letting Oikawa fuck his mouth because Oikawa had said his _name_. At a flick of his tongue, Ushijima sighed when he felt Oikawa pull on his hair as his final warning. Oikawa was sure that Ushijima still hadn't stopped staring at him, watching the way Oikawa rubbed himself across his chest, his taut muscles flexing as he tried to calm himself. Oikawa was still clinging to the jersey. 

It made Ushijima impassively harder than he had ever been before; seeing Oikawa wearing his old Shiratorizawa jersey. 

“ _God_ ,” Oikawa cried, feeling dizzy with pleasure and he bucked, his back arching off the bed as he came down Ushijima's throat emptying himself completely. Feeling that sensation of being on the edge of pleasure and shock during his orgasm, Oikawa's eyes rolled back. Ushijima watched him and moaned, mouth full of his cock and swallowing him to the root again until his nose were brushing against his pubes.

Oikawa fell back on the bed, gasping and reached out to Ushijima. A thin string of come spread from the tip of his cock to Ushijima’s lips when he leaned back up and climbed back onto the bed. Oikawa moved back before getting on his knees and sitting on Ushijima’s lap. Watching Ushijima’s lips, Oikawa leaned in and kissed him, swiping his tongue over his lips, tasting himself. He then buried his face in the crook of Ushijima’s neck and kissed him there, too. He was sucking on Ushijima’s skin, eliciting a grunt from him and then quickly gasped when Ushijima got a thick handful of his ass again and grinded his hips into him. 

“You really like my ass, don’t you?” Oikawa mused, pulling back to look at him. They both looked an absolute mess, their hair was completely disheveled but Ushijima still hadn’t come yet and Oikawa wanted to return the favor. He leaned back and removed the jersey and dropped it somewhere behind him off on the bed.

“I do,” Ushijima replied, nuzzling close to Oikawa and catching his lips in slow kiss again. Ushijima hands slid across Oikawa’s back, both of them sweaty and so aware of the smell of each other. Oikawa slid his hand down Ushijima’s chest, not breaking eye contact as he touched his cock and began stroking Ushijima, firmly at the base, pointedly rubbing his thumb over the slit. Watchful of the way Ushijima’s eyes lidded, Oikawa kept going until Ushijima was practically gasping into his mouth. Oikawa leaned close, their lips barely touching and truly now breathing each other. He wanted to kiss Ushijima and suck on his plump lower lip but he was teasing, instead leaning back whenever Ushijima went in to close the distance. 

“I’m close,” Ushijima said leaning his forehead on Oikawa’s shoulder and sighing. Oikawa ran his other hand through Ushijima’s hair.

“Come for me,” Oikawa whispered in his ear, his breath hot. Oikawa then was biting into his neck as Ushijima gasped and came in Oikawa’s hand. Having Ushijima groan practically in his ear was something he was not going to forget any time soon. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back as he felt Ushijima’s hot come land on his hand and their stomachs. As they both regain their breathing, Oikawa noticed that he was still sitting on Ushijima’s lap and that his hands had been idly running down Oikawa’s back, mapping his back muscles to memory. 

It was not long before Oikawa got up off Ushijima and went into the bathroom for a much needed shower with Ushijima closely behind him.

* * *

“Hey, thanks again for letting us use your wash again,” Oikawa said. They were over at Kuroo and Bokuto’s after practice a Tuesday night. They’ve had better luck before when the washer and dryer in the complex broke down but there’s still no word from maintenance when they’ll be back up and running.

“Sure thing, man,” Bokuto called out. He and Iwaizumi were playing on the PS4 in the living room to kill time while they waited. 

Practice after class today had been... difficult. For some reason Oikawa had trouble concentrating and it made him miss a couple of his jump serves. Kuroo had been the first to notice.

“Hey,” Oikawa heard behind him. He turned around and saw Kuroo walk over. “You doing okay? You seemed kind of out of it today. We can call out the practice match tomorrow if you're feeling tapped out.”

“No, it’s not that.” Oikawa couldn’t place it. He was not sick, he would know, but he doesn’t feel right either and the last thing he wanted to do was call off the practice match that he and the others had set up. It was going to be three on three with some of the third years. “I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit lately and the anxiety is getting to me.”

“It’s not Ushijima, isn’t it? Cause I’ll kick his ass if he’s done anything.” 

“God, no,” Oikawa’s eyes widened. “I haven’t seen him lately…”

“Oh? How come?”

“Dunno, maybe I just don’t want to see him again. It hit me yesterday, me asking myself what the fuck am I doing with him. He makes me breakfast when I stay over and we go out to dinner sometimes, I mean… what is that?”

“Sounds like normal to me? It sounds like a relationship.” Kuroo offered as he started helping Oikawa fold their practice uniforms. 

“That’s the thing though!” Oikawa then turned around and saw that Bokuto and Iwaizumi were still focused on the game. “I don’t do normal with him or anybody, you know this. I’ve been leaving my spare toothbrush in his bathroom and I sometimes leave his place wearing his clothes. We’re not even dating.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yes? We’ve never really talked about it.” Oikawa looked down at the shirt he was folding. _This_ is why he didn’t want to talk about it in the first place. All these thoughts he had put behind him and hoped that they would go away. Instead, they doubled each day, turning into a shadow that followed him everywhere, reminding him every time he thought of Ushijima.

He also felt like shit for brushing off Ushijima lately with the stupid excuse that school and practice were keeping him busy. It was only partially true but it was his screen to keep him away from having to deal with the whole thing. It also didn’t make him feel any better as a person, knowing that he was total garbage and Ushijima deserved better. Oikawa tried not notice the way that Kuroo’s expression deepened a little. 

“Maybe you should talk about it with him. Figure out what you both want from this. Sounds to me like you’re already starting to have feelings. Friends with benefits? It’s not always easy to do but it _is_ do-able. Until you start feeling things and then shit starts to get all mixed up and by that point it's too late and you both end up hurt.”

Oikawa smirked. “You speak as if from experience, Kuroo. There something you’re not telling me?”

“Maybe. Won’t tell you now though so you don’t start gettin’ ideas. Just—” Kuroo stopped and thought for a second. The only noise around them was the hum of the dryer and the video game Iwaizumi and Bokuto were playing in the living room. “Just talk about it with him, yeah? Like you said, you don’t do normal but this doesn’t sound like normal anymore. Honestly? It sounds like you care about him already. Find out what’s happening before you both start having serious regrets.”

“Okay, I promise,” Oikawa answered with a small smile. Kuroo is obviously trying to project something here but Oikawa doesn’t push it, knowing that he will talk about it when the time is right. “It’ll get fixed up soon. And don’t tell, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa then added. “I don’t want him to go all mother hen on me.”

“You should still take it easy, though. Kenma misses you, by the way. You haven’t been around in a while.”

Oikawa then realized that Kuroo was right. “Maybe we can make dinner and get everyone together again?”

Kuroo smiled. “Sounds good. We can call off the practice and just call him and Akaashi to come over after classes are over, how’s that sound?”

“Sure,” Oikawa nodded. He turned to gather the rest of the unfolded laundry and noticed the dark grey pair of sweats. He grabbed them, felt the warm fleece material under his fingertips and remembered that they belonged to Ushijima. He brought it to his nose, already knowing that the detergent washed away what little scent of Ushijima was left. And this fact made his chest hurt a little. He had completely forgotten that he had them and had buried them in his laundry basket until today. 

He missed Ushijima and at the same time hated that he missed him. It had become increasing difficult to not stay away from him or think about him.

There was still one load left in the dryer. The clock read above the stove read 20:24. He took the folded laundry that Kuroo placed on top of the washer and tucked it along with the sweats in the duffle bag he brought with him. 

“I told Oikawa that you guys should come over tomorrow to hang out.” He heard Kuroo say as he walked back to the living room. 

Iwaizumi nodded. “Would be nice. Especially since we haven’t had the chance to hang out much.”

“Oikawa’s been spending too much time with Ushijima again.” Bokuto teased and waggled his eyebrows.

He looked at Kuroo who was looking at him with his signature sly grin, obviously laughing at his luck.

“I'll have you know that I actually haven’t seen him in a while so your assumptions are a hundred percent false." 

“What, you finally got sick of each other? Figures since you practically never came home on the weekends anymore.”

"Say no more," Oikawa threatened. 

Iwaizumi grinned. "And get this right?" He said turning to Bokuto and Kuroo who suddenly became even more interested in the conversation. "Didn’t you say that you did your homework in the living room one Sunday? That’s domestic as fuck. And kind of cute, actually,” Iwaizumi then admitted.

Oikawa blinked, having realized that hearing it from someone else made it really strange. But perhaps that is what it was. This wasn’t just a fling anymore. Oikawa actually looked forward to spending time with Ushijima. They slept together, like actually-take naps in the middle of a Sunday-kind of sleep together. 

“That’s precisely why I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I hadn’t realized that it was such a big deal?” Oikawa asked suddenly. When Iwaizumi looked up from the television at him questioningly. Oikawa shook his head. “I mean, the fact that I’m not around that much anymore.”

“It is when you actually do your homework on time. You seem happier, too. I mean, I can’t really talk because I go away some weekends to see Tobio, too. Or he’ll come over when you’re not here. Kind of works out perfectly, actually.”

“If you’re fucking on our dinner table or the couch, first, I don’t want to know about it. Second, I sincerely hope you are being safe and clean about it.” Oikawa replied as he wrinkled his nose at the mental image. 

Bokuto snickered. 

“Yeah, as if you’re doing any better.” Iwaizumi responded. 

Oikawa then blushed and looked away, having remembered that he had told him in a drunken stupor how he and Ushijima had gotten busy on almost every flat surface of his apartment. He settled on the couch next to Bokuto, laying his legs over Bokuto’s knees while Bokuto used his shins as a stand for the controller. 

“It’s Bokuto’s turn to cook dinner, you guys wanna stay?” Kuroo asked as he yawned. 

“Sounds good to me,” Iwaizumi said.

* * *

Oikawa didn't answer Ushijima’s call one evening. The excuse he told himself was that he was studying with Akaashi and couldn't let himself get distracted. Akaashi doesn't say anything about that fact that Oikawa let the phone vibrate on the table until he finally picked it up and chucked it in his book bag. For this, Oikawa is glad. He had better things to worry about and one of them was his literature homework that Akaashi had been helping him with. He was eternally grateful that he was around and willing to lend a hand to proofread his paper. In between there was friendly conversation as Oikawa listened as Akaashi told him what was going on lately in his own life and his relationship with Bokuto.

Practice for the upcoming tournament at the end of the year was extremely exhausting. There had been talk of Oikawa going on as a regular along with Bokuto and Kuroo. To say that Oikawa was under stress was a huge understatement. He had been a little hopeful that maybe he would be able to see Ushijima the week before and he took the initiative upon himself and sent him a text asking if he could come over.

And instead of saying yes like he had always done, Ushijima had politely declined and had said that he had a vigorous deadline to reach with his team and would work late hours and therefore could not see him. 

Oikawa had laid down the phone, nodding to himself. It was a legitimate reason as to why Ushijima couldn't see him but he was still upset. Ushijima had become a safe haven, somewhere that he wanted to be in to help him take his mind off the coursework that was taking a pull to him. He had sent a curt reply back saying he understood and did not mention anything about a reschedule or meeting later. And neither did Ushijima reply back.

That was three weeks ago and everything had been radio silent until today. It was unquestionably infuriating. 

“I take it you haven’t seen Ushijima in while?” Akaashi asked, breaking Oikawa’s train of thought and bringing him back to the present. His phone finally stopped vibrating.

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ll see him anymore.” 

Akaashi did not press any further and Oikawa silently thanked him for it. 

The rest of the week didn't get any better. He was irritable and while he did a fairly good job at keeping his personal life and feelings off the court, his friends didn't miss it one bit. He hadn’t heard back from Ushijima at all and he wondered if this was it then. Perhaps he had found some other college fling to mess around with. Wasn’t it supposed to be just a one time deal anyway? Why did he care so much?

"What's gotten into you lately?" Iwaizumi asked during lunch. They had a couple minutes alone at one of the tables in the cafeteria before Bokuto and Kuroo showed up and Oikawa would really rather not have this conversation with them around.

"Nothing. Just stupid pettiness. I'm trying to not let it affect my play."

"I can see that. But I'm not talking about your performance as a player nor am I asking as your teammate. I'm asking about you and your wellbeing as your best friend."

Oikawa couldn't lie to Iwaizumi. Well, he wanted to but Iwaizumi was always there to see through the smokescreen that Oikawa learned to build up around himself. There was no one else who knew him better. Oikawa was both glad and annoyed by this. Today he is the latter.

“I think I’m in love with Ushijima.”

* * *

Oikawa overworked himself. Again. Competitions and practice matches wouldn't win themselves. By now it’d been a month—almost two since he last saw Ushijima. He hadn’t called him and neither did Ushijima. He wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or relieved that perhaps in the same way Ushijima didn’t need him as much.

Oikawa berated himself for letting himself get carried away with emotions and likeness of sleeping around. He had more important things to worry about in his life and he repeated this to himself every morning standing in front of the bathroom mirror. 

So he practiced and practiced until he was sweating bullets and his breath was short. He was alone in the gymnasium. Iwaizumi had taken the night off and Kuroo and the others went home early. It was the perfect opportunity. He was about to serve another jump serve when suddenly he felt the pain, shooting from his right thigh to the knee. He lost his composure, barely made the serve and fell back down and that was when the pain became unbearable. So much so that the next thing Oikawa acknowledged was the throbbing pain on his back as he opened his eyes and realized that he had fallen back.

The ball, long forgotten, bounced away as he sat up and leaned forward. 

He took a couple steadying breaths to pull himself back up, wincing when the pain tethered around his knee. He slowly walked toward the benches and sat down, undoing the brace in his knee. 

"Fucking hell," Oikawa hissed. He knew the routine by memory now and his muscles were rigid but the pain mixed in all together was incredibly sharp and made it impossible. He didn’t panic, proof that this wasn’t the first time it’d happened but it was the first when he was all alone. 

Cleaning up was harder as he limped from one end of the court to the other. His coach and senpai were going to murder him for doing this to himself but maybe not until Iwaizumi beat them to it first. He was just about done locking the door to the gym outside and picked up his bag when he heard someone behind him.

"Oikawa?"

He looked up ahead down the street, dreading the person he would see because he knew that voice anywhere. Ushijima was standing on the sidewalk, his expression somewhat more easy to read this time. He looked worried. 

"Just what I needed," Oikawa muttered under his breath as he straightened up. "So, what? You stalking me now?"

"Not really,” Ushijima replied. “I go running along this route some evenings to clear my head after work." He didn't sound so certain at the end.

"Nice, well, you found me. If you’ll excuse me I’ve had a long day and I’m really tired so I’ll see you around! Bye!” 

He turned around and started walking in the opposite direction to the station and it hurt but he did it anyway, wanting to put as much space between himself and Ushijima as possible.

"Are you alright?"

Ushijima had caught up to him in no time without as much as a sound and Oikawa grit his teeth. He without a doubt was aware that he didn't look alright—not even close if the pained expression he was trying so hard to not show is any indication. How incredibly cruel that the next time he would see Ushijima would be at a time like this. 

“No,” Oikawa answered truthfully because there was no point in delaying this further. Had it been Iwaizumi, Oikawa was sure that he would have thought up an excuse that would have fallen right through. Ushijima had a look of discomfort on his face as well. 

“Here,” Ushijima said and Oikawa’s eyes widened when he saw that Ushijima was leaning forward to pick him up.

“Hey! That’s not—!” it’s no use because he was already in Ushijima’s arms, cradled close to his chest as Ushijima made his way towards a bench just off to the side. "What are you doing?" He hissed as he tried to push Ushijima away. His filter wasn't working right then, his frustration going into override and he could see this getting out of hand but there was no time like the present, right?

" _What the fuck?_ You think you can just stroll in here after months without a word and take care of me as if I need your help that I didn’t fucking ask for in the first place?” 

“Just as unnecessarily putting more strain on your knee.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and avoided meeting his gaze. He was sure that he weighed more than an average guy but Ushijima barely did anything to show it. Instead he walked easily and carried Oikawa without a problem. When he sat him down on the bench, Oikawa noticed that he was wearing a zip up sweatshirt and sweats.

“Just leave me here,” Oikawa began, waving his hand as if shooing Ushijima away. “It’s not the first time it’s happened.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I’m stubborn? An overachieving asshole?” Oikawa wanted to continue before he remembered that he was supposed to be upset. He hadn’t seen Ushijima and this was how they met back up again? It made him want to bitterly laugh. 

“That just means you’re dedicated. But even you need to know your limits, you cannot play if you are injured. You’re good at this, Oikawa, don’t throw it away.”

Oikawa wrinkled his nose. “Don’t patronize me. Nothing you could say is anything I haven’t already said to myself.”

“At least let me take you home then,” Ushijima asked sincerely. Oikawa knew that it was a bad idea in the first place; nothing good would come out of it. But, truthfully, with the way his knee was hurting with every step he had taken since his fall, getting home was going to be an absolute nightmare. 

“And what if I refuse?” 

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But, I would hope that you will at least phone someone who could help you return back if you do not want my help.” 

Oikawa knew he needed to learn to be okay with leaning on others for support, something Iwaizumi had reminded him ever since they were kids. He knew he should extend this towards Ushijima whom from day one had never thought of him less in any way and instead looked at him like he was the center of the world. Ushijima, who looked like he belonged on a whole other level above everyone else. Coming from someone like Ushijima, Oikawa didn't know how to handle that kind of affection. It usually pissed him off to no end.

There was a couple moments of silence, of Oikawa looking down at his knee and he was sure that his vision was getting blurry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Ushijima wasn’t supposed to ever see him again. He swallowed a lump in his throat and cleared his throat, hoping that when he looked up, his eyes wouldn’t give anything away. The last thing he wanted was to be beneath Ushijima. Oikawa then nodded, swallowing whatever pride he had left. They catch a cab back to his apartment. When they enter his apartment building, Ushijima didn’t pick up Oikawa to carry him up the stairs and instead put his arm around his waist and Oikawa put his arm around Ushijima’s shoulder. God forbid Iwaizumi came back now and saw him with Ushijima like this. 

They took the stairs one step at a time, Oikawa biting his lip and keeping silent at the pain that was shooting through his knee. Instead he focused on how warm Ushijima was and the tight hold that he had around his waist. Once they get the door to his apartment open, he was gently released so he could turn on the lights. It was not as messy as it could have been but it was also nowhere near as organized as it was when Iwaizumi and him cleaned. But, fuck it, Ushijima might as well see all sides of him.

"Sorry my place isn't as..." Oikawa gestured around to the small living room, “Big and nice as yours."

Ushijima didn't say anything but Oikawa was sure that he saw him roll his eyes.

“Is your roommate home?”

"No, he took the night off." Oikawa answered as he slowly walked over the kitchen. His hands itched to do something, anything that would put distance between him and Ushijima. Silence hung thick in the air. 

“Here, let me,” Ushijima offered, reaching above Oikawa for the coffee mugs. His body was so close, practically cornering him against the counter and he smelled faintly of his sweat and mint.

“I can manage just as well, thank you,” Oikawa said through gritted teeth as he snatched the mugs from him. “I’m not completely useless so don’t treat me like I am.” 

It was the first time he heard Ushijima sigh. He wasn’t even sure Ushijima was capable of it. But ultimately, Ushijima let it go, standing back away from Oikawa. 

The clock over on the microwave read 22:04.

"Where do you keep your brace and relievers for your knee?" Ushijima asked. Oikawa was still processing the fact that he remembered how Ushijima liked his tea. He shook his head and looked up at him.

"Um, bathroom. Second cabinet down."

Ushijima disappeared again while Oikawa looked down at himself. He was still wearing his own training clothes and so was Ushijima. He suddenly felt bad because he had made him forget his evening run. When Ushijima appeared again, Oikawa cleared his throat. “You don’t have to stay, you know. I know you’ve probably got better things to do than to look after incapables like me.”

Ushijima tilted his head and looked at Oikawa as if he had grown a third head. “There’s nowhere else for me to be right now and it looks like you could use my help so please, let me.”

Oikawa came around and sat down on the coffee table after he told Ushijima that yes, it would be fine if he stayed and helped. Ushijima sat down on the couch in front of Oikawa’s opened legs until their knees bumped. The muscles on his right leg were rigid, that much Oikawa could see it and he winced when Ushijima began gently massaging his thigh. His long slender fingers glistened, covered in the ointment that he had also brought along from the cabinet. He had turned on the television for the sake of background noise but neither of them were paying attention.

“You seem to know a lot about these things.” Oikawa then mused after some comfortable silence. He had been watching Ushijima, distracted by how gentle his fingers were but at the same time were giving a thorough massage, helping relieve the pain. Ushijima probably noticed that Oikawa was staring but he didn’t mention it nor do anything about it.

“My father was a volleyball player.”

Oikawa’s ears perked up as did his interest.

“He taught me all that I know about the sport,” he continued. When he finished wrapping the brace, Oikawa moved his hand over his knee. The relievers would soon kick in. 

“What was his position?”

“He was a middle blocker.”

“Oh,” is all Oikawa said. Ushijima then took his hand and held it in his own. His palms were warm.

Remembering that Ushijima was from his same prefecture stroked his curiosity. “Hey, so Shiratorizawa was where you went to high school right? I know them. Fantastic volleyball club. We met all the time at the Inter High.”

“They were the top for a while,” Ushijima said and Oikawa swore that Ushijima looked…proud for a couple of seconds. “And what about you?”

“High school? Aoba Johsai.” Oikawa said. 

“Mm,” Ushijima said, taking Oikawa’s hand to his mouth and kissing his fingers gently. He watched as Ushijima gently massaged his palm and then his wrist before kissing the skin there too. He was mesmerized by how much care Ushijima took for his hands and—

“You used to play,” Oikawa then said as if he’d practically got the wind knocked out of him.

“I did, yes,” he replied, setting Oikawa’s hand down and finally looking up at him. “In high school.” 

“Well, what happened? Why’d you stop?”

“I tore my ACL right during Nationals in my third year. I didn’t have much a choice, I wasn’t the same after that.”

“You would have continued playing otherwise.”

“Without a doubt. There was very little I cared about when I was your age. Volleyball was the one true thing that I loved because it brought me closer to my father.”

There was a silence before Oikawa got up from the coffee table and then sat down next to Ushijima on the couch. This time he took both of Ushijima’s hands in his own, running his fingertips over his palm and imagined that if he had continued playing volleyball, his hands would be rough like his. 

“Tooru, you must understand that I don’t mean to patronize you in any way. I am aware of your capabilities and strength but please take care of yourself. It’ll be no use to you or your team if you get seriously injured.”

Oikawa then understood that he hadn’t meant any ill intention at all, Ushijima never did. If what Ushijima said was true then his injury leading towards an early retirement must have been devastating. Imagining that for anyone is difficult enough. Oikawa can’t imagine a life where he wasn’t playing volleyball. 

“How come I never heard of you?”

“My time was way before yours,” Ushijima said and Oikawa swore there was a hint of a blush in his cheeks. “But I imagine had we been the same age, we would have been rivals.”

“Yes,” Oikawa agreed, “But we also would have gone to play professionally together. I know it.”

“Perhaps in another life. One where we had gone to school together." Ushijima smiled.

Oikawa had been wondering ever since he found out, what would it have been like if he and Ushijima had met when they were in high school.

“That life or another life, doesn’t matter.” Oikawa then said, completely sure of himself. Silence fell around them again as he played with the prescription bottle, rattling the pills inside back and forth. 

"What are we doing, Ushijima?"

Ushijima met Oikawa's gaze in question. Oikawa gestured between them. "I mean, us. This, whatever it is." He was tired. Trying not to think of something wasn't as easy as thinking of it, that much he knew to be true. Oikawa hated having unfinished and uncertain thoughts looming over him. That wasn't how he did things. 

"What do you want it to be?" 

The question didn't catch him off guard. "I'm not sure anymore."

It was the truth and he didn’t mean it to come off as anything but. He can see the look of confusion flick over Ushijima’s face as he if wasn’t expecting that response either. He truly doesn’t know anymore and he ran a hand over his face, exasperated. 

“The reason why for the most part, I have not said anything is because I was thought that perhaps you didn’t see me as more than just an acquaintance. I know my boundaries and you are very young still, you have a promising career ahead of you. I do not want to get in the way of that, not when you have many years left.”

“Are you serious? Did you really think it was an issue with your age?”

“I do not know,” Ushijima admitted. “I won’t lie and tell you that I haven’t been thinking about it. That’s why I’m letting you answer your own question: what are we doing?”

There was silence again and Oikawa sighed, aggravated and ran his hands over his face. “Fuck, Wakatoshi. I’m supposed to be mad at you but how can I when you’re so... so fucking honest.” 

Oikawa looked down at his hands. It was a second or two before he looked up. “I know that every time I picture you with someone else I get irrationally bitter about it. And I’m angry at myself because I care and I let myself get involved. It’s not even a question of where you fall in the hierarchy. I came here to play volleyball but meeting you has been just as important to me.” He couldn’t meet Ushijima’s eyes and instead looked up and out the balcony through the thin blinds. 

“I don’t deserve you and I’m a piece of garbage, but I want to wake up in the middle of night in your bed knowing that you are at the dining table trying to get some work done because that’s just who you are but I’ll tell you quit that shit out and just come back to bed with me. I don’t want to stop seeing you, I actually want to be with you.”

“Tooru, I can make my own decisions.” Ushijima said. His expression was gentle and it made Oikawa’s heart feel warm. “I care about you and I want to take care of you, if you will let me.”

“I want you so bad, it’s fucking embarrassing how much.” Oikawa can feel the lump in his throat and trying to swallow it and keep it from coming up just made him even more upset. The stress from the past month, all the lies Oikawa told himself to make himself feel better and get through the goddamn day wanted to come out all at once. It was making him dizzy. Oikawa is sure that he was going to start crying here and he doesn’t want that, no, no it’s not supposed to happen. 

As if on cue, Ushijima pulled Oikawa to him and wrapped his arms around him and Oikawa clinged to him, closed in on Ushijima and his broad chest. He made a fist in Ushijima’s shirt. 

“And you have me.” Ushijima then said like was trying to reassure Oikawa, voice soothing and quiet. “I don’t want anyone else, I want you.”

In silent shock, Oikawa looked at Ushijima before swallowing the lump. “Okay.” 

Ushijima stayed the night. It wasn’t hard to convince him to. The hard part had been mustering up the courage to ask him in the first place. When Ushijima had politely declined his offer for the shower and said that he could just get one at home, Oikawa told him the truth.

“I’d just... really like to not be alone right now.” He was still holding onto the mug in his hand, what little tea left now cold. "I know you must have work in the morning and it's selfish of me to ask."

“Of course,” was all Ushijima said as if Oikawa only had to ask. “I’ll have to leave early seeing as I have work in the morning.” There was no malice in his words, as if he really did not mind having to wake up earlier than usual to get home to change. Oikawa felt only slightly guilty. 

Finding him something to wear was easier said than done. He limped to his drawer and rummaged through his clothes when he realized that he still had Ushijima’s sweats. 

“I was looking for these last week.” Ushijima said as he started undressing. 

Oikawa looked over to him and softly smiled. 

Almost every one of his shirts fit Ushijima a bit tight around the torso. He admitted that Ushijima should just sleep without a shirt to which Ushijima shrugged and said it did not matter. 

“Where are you going?” Oikawa then asked, frowning. He was in the middle of brushing his teeth. Ushijima was on his way to the living room about to grab the throw blanket that is thrown over the couch.

“To sleep?”

“Not on the couch, you’re not. You’re sleeping with me. There’s room for the both of us.” 

Ushijima opened his mouth, no doubt to protest before Oikawa crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. “Sharing a bed and sleeping should be the least of your worries. Not after all that we’ve been through together.”

That, surprisingly shut Ushijima up and he made his way back to the bedroom and Oikawa smirked, taking it as a win.

They settled onto the bed, Oikawa pulling back the covers and allowing Ushijima to climb in. 

That night he gave into the pull and slept without dreams to the feel of Ushijima’s fingers softly caressing his hair; only slightly aware of the warmth that Ushijima had wrapped him in.

* * *

Getting up in the mornings wasn’t so hard anymore, not when Wakatoshi was in his life. A walking furnace along with being menace that had impossibly tilted Oikawa's world on its axis. Today, they were settled on the couch with Oikawa's head resting on Ushijima's lap as he idly ran his fingers through Oikawa's hair. He was reviewing a briefing that he had put together and was preparing to send off. The record player on the shelf was playing a slow melodic song in the background.

”Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Ushijima looked away from the paper and down at Oikawa. “What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking about this since the last time you told me. If you hadn’t gotten hurt in your third year, what would you have done? Would you have continued playing?” 

Ushijima thought for a moment, blinking as if he had focused on something that wasn’t there. Then he looked at Oikawa and it was as if he remembered he’d been asked a question. “I would have, yes. I was extremely good at it and my friends were one of a kind, we made a good team. I’m not sure we would have stayed together after high school but I imagine that a few of us would have continued on professionally. Actually, a couple are still playing. I sometimes go to their games when I am able to and meet up with them to catch up. Why?”

“I don’t know, it was just something I was thinking about. Can I go with you? To their next game, I mean.”

“Sure. I am sure they would like to meet you as well,” Ushijima said as he brought his hand to Oikawa’s cheek and softly rubbed his thumb. Oikawa then moved, climbing onto his lap, leaning his head on Ushijima's shoulder. 

“It’s a cruel fate, us not being able to play together. I watched one of your videos yesterday when you were in the middle of your conference call,” he then admitted. 

After learning that Ushijima had played volleyball, he had showed Oikawa his office. On the wall he had a couple family portraits but also photographs of him and his team from when he attended Shiratorizawa. 17-year-old Ushijima was absolutely adorable. Ushijima then showed him that he still kept some of the video recordings of their matches.

Ushijima stopped and looked at Oikawa and swallowed. “And?”

“I would have loved to play against you or with you. I mean... Your spikes were _amazing_. Your entire team was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it. Why didn’t I even know about you before this?”

“That was way before you time, Tooru.” Ushijima reminded him again.

“You’re not that old, you know.”

“Old enough to have been in high school when you were learning how to walk.” Ushijima then frowned. “Now I feel awful.”

“That’s kinda the point,” Oikawa then said, giving him a lopsided smirk. “It’s okay, I like it this way,” he then added before shifting so that he was completely straddling Ushijima. Ushijima then began to run his hands through Oikawa's hair, pulling him closer so that he could seal Oikawa’s lips into a kiss. 

“Come on, take a nap with me. I’m exhausted and I’m sure your eyes must be strained from staring at that screen all morning. You need to remember to take breaks, too.” 

Ushijima was about to protest but Oikawa pressed his finger to Ushijima’s lips, stopping him. He watched Ushijima take off his reading glasses and closed his laptop and took Oikawa’s hand who led him to the bedroom. Oikawa didn’t know what to think about the fact that the bedroom was practically a shared space, hell, Ushijima’s entire apartment was at this point. It was like second nature now, him leaving his things everywhere whenever he came over. 

The fact didn’t bother him.

* * *

Oikawa woke up just before his alarm was supposed to go off. He moved and saw that he had become the big spoon over the night and that he was clinging to Ushijima’s back, hugging him from behind. Oikawa moved, snuggling closer and kissing his nape. He can feel the change in Ushijima’s breathing which meant that he was awake now.

“I have to go to practice. Wait for me?” 

“Mhmm,” Ushijima replied, reaching for Oikawa’s hand. “I’ll be here. I have a lot of briefings to look over so I’m not going anywhere.”

“Perfect,” he replied before untangling himself and standing back up. “Don’t forget to take a break. I’ll come back after I go home and get cleaned up?”

“Sure,” Ushijima said as he pulled up the covers that Oikawa had stolen in the middle of the night. Oikawa loved this Ushijima; buried under the bedsheets, awake but still sleepy and with bedhead. 

Damn the coach and his scheduling the new practice routine on Saturdays. He wanted nothing more than to climb back in bed and snuggle close with Ushijima and sleep the morning away. He got dressed in record time and mulled over his chances of picking up breakfast from a cafe while he brushed his teeth. He grabbed his wallet and keys from the dinner table where he had left him last night and left the apartment. 

He got to the campus with time to spare and this time actually took the time to properly warm up. The new defense drills they were going to practice today had Oikawa tossing to the other second years and their captain. Kuroo and Bokuto are on the opponent team so he doesn’t get a chance to talk to them that much.

“Something up?” Oikawa asked them when they were allowed a short break time out. 

“Nice hickey,” Kuroo said, smirking as he pulled on the collar of his shirt. “Ushijima has no chill. He totally did a number on you.”

Startled, Oikawa clamped his hand over his shoulder where Kuroo’s hand had just been. 

“Kuroo!” Oikawa hissed and looked around to make sure that the upperclassmen weren’t around. He also felt his cheeks going red. “Can’t be any louder, can you?”

“I could try,” Kuroo said, smirk still on his face. “Things work out between you two?”

Oikawa nodded. “I think so, yeah.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m glad,” Kuroo slung his arm around Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“Yo! Bokuto, you owe me!” Kuroo called out, waving to Bokuto to come towards them. “Looks like I won.”

“What?”

“Bokuto bet me that you wouldn’t be coming from Ushijima’s today,” Kuroo calmly explained to him. 

“You’re the absolute worst.” Oikawa threw his hands up and walked away. He looked down at himself and adjusted the collar again and noticed that he was _definitely_ wearing one of Ushijima’s shirts. It’s a simple black shirt that could be mistaken for his but the sleeves are a little longer and over all, it hung low on him a little. But that was nothing new, right? They shared clothes absent mindedly now; it had just become second nature. Oikawa tried not to be too alarmed by how… okay he was with all of this. 

Oikawa looked up and saw that Kuroo was _still_ smirking at him before he got into position on the other side of the net. Leave it to damn Kuroo to notice these things first. 

They win the second set and suddenly morale amongst them all is bright. Even Iwaizumi looked at ease, like he wasn’t borderline worried about Oikawa like he had been lately. It wasn’t necessarily easy for Oikawa to admit to Iwaizumi that he had hurt his knee.

Later, after they’ve gone home and Oikawa has showered and changed into a fresh pair of clothes, he got his things again and started tying his shoelaces. 

“Hey, don’t forget rent is due tomorrow,” Iwaizumi called out from the couch as he was shuffling through his textbook trying to get his homework done. 

“Of course, mom, I’m not going to run off with our money and elope somewhere.”

“You’d dare.”

“Yeah, you’re right I would. Bye!” Oikawa smiled before he closed the door behind him, narrowly missing the pen Iwaizumi had thrown at him.

As he caught the train, he idly remembered that Ushijima had given him news the night before that he would be gone for almost two weeks on business. 

_“Okay,” Oikawa cleared his throat and avoided Ushijima’s gaze. “Come back. Come back to me.”_

_“Of course.”_

* * *

When he knocked, Ushijima answered the door shortly after. “Hey,” Oikawa said as he stepped in. He dropped his bag and leaned up for a quick peck on the lips.

“How was practice? I’m just about done with dinner.” 

He noticed then that the apartment smelled good. Whatever Ushijima was making smelled delicious and his stomach grumbled. 

“Practice was good. The usual.” Oikawa said as he carried his bag into the bedroom and noticed that Ushijima had cleaned up the apartment a bit and he chuckled to himself because of course Ushijima would do something like that as if Oikawa hadn’t been here already. 

Walking around his home wasn’t so daunting anymore now Oikawa spent so much time here. He knew where everything was located in the kitchen cabinets, knew that Ushijima’s office was a mess full of papers that always, always managed to spill their way out onto the dining table. Ushijima liked collecting coffee table books of nature and landscape photography and preferred film to digital. (Oikawa had actually laughed at him when he found out this fact.) There's always fresh cut flowers on the dining table in a simple glass vase that Ushijima always got from a flower shop in the city that belonged to a friend he went to Shiratorizawa with.

If Oikawa looked in the nightstand cabinet in his bedroom, he’d find the book that Ushijima was currently reading, the one that he bought when they went out to dinner last week in the middle of the week. Among that he’d also find the condoms and lube that Oikawa brought with him a couple days ago because they had run out. It made for a very embarrassing moment because the cashier at the store just down the block happened to be a girl who was in one of his seminars. His walk-in closet to the side was where he kept all his suits, ties and button up shirts. 

Months ago, Oikawa didn’t know any of these things about Ushijima and his home and the idea of spending another second in here had scared him to death. But now it was second nature to know where to find the fresh bed sheets in the linen closet in the hallway because Ushijima was a clean freak and liked to change his sheets every week. The guy could afford it, too and only bought the best.

Shit, he was getting sidetracked.

When he walked into the bathroom, Oikawa stopped when he noticed his spare toothbrush. He was almost positive that he had put it inside the mirror cabinet but now it was in the mug on the corner of the sink. Next to Ushijima’s. He tried not to think too much into it but it was kind of hard to get over the way his chest tightened. 

_Feelings were stupid, how dare Ushijima make him feel them._

“How was your day?” Oikawa then asked as he leaned on the counter in the kitchen. He grabbed himself a glass of wine, pouring himself a generous amount. One or two glasses wouldn’t hurt. 

“It was fine. Filled with meetings with my team mostly,” Ushijima said as he turned back to the stove. “Will you be staying the night again?”

“I’m planning on it, unless you’ve got better plans.”

“I have a deadline to meet by Monday morning but I wouldn’t be opposed to your company.” Ushijima stooped and fiddled with the end of the apron he was wearing. “By the way, I also cleared out a drawer for you, if you want to use it.”

Oikawa stared at him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Oikawa then said, still dumbfounded. 

“Like I said, it’s up to you if you want to use it but it’s there.”

In between dinner, Oikawa spoke in depth about the defense drills they practiced with the team and their plans for the upcoming tournament. Ushijima listened intently, and it occurred to him that while he knew that Oikawa played volleyball, he didn’t know what position. 

“I’m a setter,” Oikawa said casually. “Not that exciting but—I’m a setter. What about you?” Oikawa asked before taking a bite. 

“I was a wing spiker. Captain and ace.”

Oikawa chuckled, not being completely surprised by that. He tried to picture Ushijima playing and actually started feeling a little hot. “That would have been amazing to see, I imagine.”

“Knowing that you’ve seen the vids and still think this opinion is somewhat satisfying,” he replied looking somewhat smug. “Although it can get very nostalgic after a while if I watch them for too long.” He motioned towards the media library around his television. 

Oikawa opted for wearing a t-shirt he brought and his boxers to bed. He’s a little tipsy, having let the wine get to him. When he walked back into the bedroom, drinking water from a glass, he saw Ushijima on the bed already. He also noticed that Ushijima was going shirtless and just wore his pajama pants. 

He pulled back the covers on his side of the bed when Ushijima closed the book he was reading and set it on the nightstand. “Oikawa,” he then said, “I’ve been meaning to give you something.” 

Oikawa didn't look until Ushijima had reached over and placed something in his hand. It was cool against his fingers and there was a clink to it. He looked down and his eyes widened. It was a key—a key attached to a simple small volleyball charm. His chest tightened and he looked up to meet Ushijima's gaze. 

"Keep it until I get back," he simply said. "You don't have to do anything with the spare but... I have been meaning to give it to you."

"I'm not moving in with you," Oikawa said and then quickly shook his head. “I mean, not that I wouldn’t consider it but—“ 

"It’s alright," Ushijima said with a slight smile on his lips. "I'm not asking you to move in. I'm only giving it to you. You can do whatever you want with it after I get back. I was going to ask a favor instead. Since I won't be here, I was wondering if you'll do me the favor of watering the plants while I'm gone. I know it's unreasonable and—”

"Of course,” Oikawa said immediately. “Consider it done. Can't have them dying while you're gone. Then you'll come back all mopey and sad and I hate that."

"That's... a curious way of putting it."

“I’m not lying.”

"And if you want, you're welcome to stay here. There's some food and leftovers in the fridge that I'd rather be eaten than have to throw out." 

"Of course, anything," Oikawa said. He bit his lip, turning over the key in hand. "I'll miss you.” He gripped Ushijima's hand and leaned in to kiss him. 

“We could have played together. You could have spiked my tosses," Oikawa then murmured, running his hands through Ushijima’s hair, falling in love once again with the grey strands mixed in with his dark locks. Ushijima hummed in response, letting silence grow before he opened his eyes.

“Perhaps in another life. One where you came to Shiratorizawa."

Oikawa didn't even question himself at this point, truly wondering how that combination of play could have gone down between the two. This was a cruel deal fate had dealt them but still he wouldn’t give it up what he had now.

“Either way, I'm glad I found you even if it's a little too late."

“I’m the one who should be saying that,” Ushijima said. Oikawa moved closer to him, humming softly when he felt Ushijima’s arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him against his chest. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” Ushijima said against his lips, his soft breath tickling Oikawa’s skin, sending shivers all over his body. “I missed your bossing me around to stop worrying all the time.”

Oikawa snorted because _of course_ Ushijima would point that out about him. “You work too much. I honestly worry about whether you’re getting enough sleep at night,” he touched Ushijima’s cheek, his thumb reaching up to touch the skin below his eyes, “gotta make sure you’re not getting bags under your eyes.” 

Ushijima leaned into his touch, turning slowly to kiss Oikawa’s palm. Ushijima laid back down next to him, pushing his thigh between Oikawa’s bringing their hips together. Oikawa sighed when Ushijima’s hand rested on his waist and pulling him closer so that he could feel Ushijima’s bulge against his own. Just as he was breathing out a soft moan at the fact that Ushijima was already hard, he felt large hands skim under the fabric of his boxers and pulling him towards Ushijima for even more friction. 

His mind is spinning, the wine not helping along with the fact that suddenly he was really horny. Ushijima then moved back and reached for the drawer of the nightstand looking inside for the lube and a condom.

“I thought you were tired but I guess not,” Oikawa mused as he laid up and discarded his shirt and laid back on the bed, softly running his fingers along Ushijima’s shoulder. 

Ushijima didn’t answer and instead hooked his finger on the waistband of Oikawa’s boxers and pulled them off before moving back and taking off his own pants as well. 

“Lean back up,” Ushijima whispered. Ushijima’s fingers were goddamn criminal, crooking and nudging in his ass just right—just fucking perfectly and while the long fingers inside him were not enough to make him gasp, they were definitely doing something to him. His dick was leaking in no time, he was so hard he was afraid he was going to come the moment Ushijima put his dick in him; it was unfair. 

When Ushijima rolled the condom on his dick and gave himself a stroke with lube, Oikawa took his bottom lip between his teeth and spread his legs even further. He knew that Ushijima loved his thighs, could see it now on his face as he intently watched Oikawa. He liked having something to be able to hold over Ushijima that rendered him weak. 

He trailed his hand down his chest, past his hard cock and balls and slipped between his ass cheeks. His fingers moved on their own, spreading and giving Ushijima a perfect view of his hole, pink and stretched open and ready for his cock. "You gonna fuck me now?" He asked as he gave Ushijima a smile. 

"Yes." Ushijima swallowed hard and leaned forward, hands reaching for his thighs. "Whatever you want." 

Oikawa gasped when Ushijima finally, finally slid the head of his cock inside him. “Shit, I missed you so much.” 

“You missed me just for this? It's very like you.” 

That startled Oikawa until he looked up and saw that Ushijima had the faintest indent of a smirk on his face and it fucked him up. It wasn’t like Ushijima wasn’t capable of making a joke, that much was true but having made one during sex? Oikawa was so goddamn in love with him it was stupid and he genuinely laughed. 

"Fucking hell I can't believe you just made a joke."

"I'm capable of more," Ushijima added, smiling as he softly rubbed his hands over Oikawa's thighs; a reminder of what was happening between them.

"Well? Get on with it then. I've waited too long."

Ushijima didn’t need to be told twice. He felt Ushijima part his ass with both hands and slid his cock in easily again and started fucking him, turning Oikawa into an incoherent mess. At every thrust, he was clenching around Ushijima, feeling hot at the way Ushijima was biting his own bottom lip to keep himself from making noise. 

Oikawa fucked back into him, trying to match his rhythm and then without as much as a word or warning, Ushijima maneuvered them and wrapped his arms around Oikawa’s chest. Oikawa gasped like he legit had the wind knocked out of him because like this with his back flush against Ushijima’s chest, his dick was deep inside of Oikawa than he had ever been.

“Oh, holy shit,” Oikawa rasped out, his body shaking. His head fell back against Ushijima’s shoulder and he let out a long groan as his hands scrabbled to entwine themselves with Ushijima’s where they rested on Oikawa’s chest. 

“Ride me,” Ushijima ordered against Oikawa’s ear, sending a shiver at the sudden thickness of his voice. “Fuck yourself on my cock. Can you do that for me?”

Oikawa was trying to remember that breathing is a thing but all of this was new, the way Ushijima was giving out orders, the position—it was nothing that had ever happened between them before. But Oikawa _loved_ it, by God he found out that he loved being ordered around by him. 

“This is new, coming from you,” Oikawa said, breathless as he looked up at Ushijima. He met his eyes, noticing the light blush on Ushijima who looked… slightly put back. 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Fuck, no. Don’t stop. Fuck, your cock feels amazing like this.” 

Ushijima leaned in and sucked and kissed Oikawa’s neck, lightly nipping him. “Good,” he said against his sweat covered skin. 

Oikawa followed his orders and began to move. It was hard at first setting a rhythm but once he could, he clenched down on Ushijima. It was what it took for Ushijima to finally groan against his ear. Oikawa’s thigh muscles flexed as he raised himself up then sank back down on Ushijima’s dick. Not like he was going to complain but after today’s practice and now this, the burning in his thighs were definitely going to be there the following morning. Still, it was nowhere near as intense as the pleasure that was climbing up his spine, threatening to break him in half as he continued riding Ushijima. He's whimpering obscene things under his breath that he later won't admit when he no longer has a thick cock up his ass. 

He wanted to arch his back, feeling way too oversensitive and clutched his fingers hard at Ushijima’s hips, nails digging in. Ushijima’s hands were still on him holding him up. 

"Come on, Tooru. Talk to me."

Each time Ushijima’s cock slid further in and rubbed against his prostate, Oikawa couldn’t hold back the sob of pleasure. "Love it when you order me around. When you tell me what to do. Makes me want to be good for you, please, Ushijima, _fuck me_ ,” Oikawa’s hand was now aching to reach down between his legs and pump his own cock. “Make me feel it for days, _fuck_ , fill me up.”

He knew that Ushijima was watching him, his wet mouth open, releasing each lewd moan, and his cock bouncing with each downward motion. He licked his lips and that was when Ushijima leaned down to kiss him, licking into Oikawa’s mouth. He lifted a hand, resting it briefly on Ushijima’s cheek as he opened his mouth, giving more access. 

“Look at me, Tooru. Do you know how beautiful you look right now?”

The statement startled Oikawa more than anything, causing him to open his eyes. 

“God, shut up. Only I’m allowed to say ridiculous things during sex,” Oikawa said, unable to meet his eyes; blush high on his cheeks. There was something extremely intimate about all of this. It burned Oikawa with how much he wanted it and more. He was still afraid that none of this would last when he had fallen in love so hard but, suddenly Ushijima stopped, pulling Oikawa’s chin with his finger to face him and when he finally met his gaze, Ushijima was looking at him like nothing else mattered in this world. Like Oikawa was the center of everything, where everything began and ended. 

It’s fucking corny but what wasn’t between them already? 

Oikawa then felt himself be pushed down on the bed as Ushijima pulled his hips up. Like this, Oikawa had his cheek resting on the bedsheets and he bit his lip when Ushijima picked up rhythm again, resting his weight on Oikawa.

“Tell me I’m yours,” Oikawa begged, aching for release.

“You’re mine,” Ushijima said through clenched teeth. He spread Oikawa’s legs with his own and grappled his hips before he started fucking into him hard and fast. “You’re taking my cock so well. You love it?" 

"Y-yeah,” Oikawa gasped against the sheets, “I fucking love it."

They weren’t going to last very long, Oikawa held himself firmly at the base of his dick to keep himself from coming. The noise of how Ushijima’s hips met his ass, filling the room with the sounds of their moans drove him insane.

“Oh,” Oikawa mewled. “Shit—babe, you’re gonna make me come. Yeah, make me come.”

At that, he felt Ushijima’s hands brand themselves on his hip as he snapped his hips against his, shoving his cock deep inside, hitting his prostate for the nth time that Oikawa swore he saw stars and that was it. He was coming in his hand, unsure of whether he shouted, biting the bed sheet, looking completely stunned. Ushijima didn’t stop, kept going until he leaned over, covering Oikawa’s back with his own, groaning loudly and suddenly stopped, coming as well. 

Oikawa barely had the strength to catch himself before he fell on the bed, his arms giving up and his legs spent. They were still breathing harshly like they were holding onto their lives in a thread. His hand was a mess, wet with his come.

“I’m sorry I ruined the sheets.” 

“There’s plenty more. We can change them tomorrow.” Ushijima said as he leaned down to give Oikawa kiss, his lips soft and warm. Oikawa turned around and laid on his back and opened his legs for Ushijima to settle in between them. Like this, Ushijima’s weight was a welcome feeling, his body warm against his own regardless of the fact that they were both sweaty. Oikawa wrapped his arms around Ushijima’s neck, keeping him close as his legs closed in him too. 

“You drive me crazy you know that?” Oikawa whispered against Ushijima’s lips. Oikawa’s other hand came up to Ushijima’s face, cupping his face and holding him there as their next few kisses deepened. He opened his eyes and met Ushijima’s and they looked at each other for a second before Ushijima leaned in again for another kiss, numb lips be damned.

Ushijima then got up off Oikawa but not before softly ruffling his hair. Oikawa heard rustling and felt the bed dip on the side as he opened his eyes and watched Ushijima walk into the bathroom, throwing away the condom in the bin and turning on the sink. 

His body felt heavy and he was exhausted but Oikawa made himself move knowing that if he laid there any longer, the sweat on his body would dry up and make him cold. He walked in the bathroom as Ushijima had finished brushing his teeth. Oikawa stood in front of the sink and washed his hands before he grabbed his own toothbrush too. He looked up in the mirror at his reflection and his eyes latched onto the right side of his neck where a hickey was beginning to bloom. Damn Ushijima and his fixation with his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Ushijima said, leaning his head on Oikawa’s left shoulder and looking at the hickey. “I cannot help myself around you.”

“You say that every time,” Oikawa said with a mouthful of toothpaste as he lightly bumped his head against Ushijima’s. At least with the winter season starting soon, scarves would do their job and also cover them from prying eyes. He had to make sure that when he went home for the holidays, his neck was free of hickeys and bruises so that he wouldn’t have to explain to his mother. 

God, what was he going to tell his mother? 

_Hi mother, I may or may not be in a relationship with a man 16 years older than me._

Ushijima wrapped his arms around Oikawa’s waist and thankfully broke his train of thought. 

“Let’s go to bed, I’m exhausted.”

Oikawa rinsed his mouth and left his toothbrush next to Ushijima’s and walked out, shutting off the light.

* * *

The week Ushijima left was bearable to say the least. At night, Ushijima was the last thing he thought about, last minute texts still fresh in his mind, before he fell asleep. Ushijima sent him pictures when he could of the sunset (which to Oikawa’s horror, he had admitted to Ushijima that well, they were one of his favorite things. They reminded him of his mother and who was Ushijima to question him anyway?) The time zone difference didn’t help much but he got by. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his hands full anyway.

Ushijima left him with something else. It was one of his jackets; the one that he was wearing the night they first met. That was so long ago now. So many months had gone by since then. The notion made him snort and roll his eyes, Ushijima was making it so easy for Oikawa to fall in love with him. 

Staying at his apartment during the week didn’t make sense since Ushijima lived farther away from campus but he still visited whenever he got the chance after classes and practice. He had an upcoming exam soon that he still needed to study for and Ushijima’s apartment had been a haven with little distractions. It was not like it was just quiet without Ushijima there, it had been like that anyway. But he did miss looking up and seeing Ushijima coming out of the bathroom in the mornings after taking a shower, hair wet and towel hanging low on his hips or cooking in front of the stove, and most of all when he came out of his office looking so worked up, tie loosened and reading glasses hanging low on the bridge of his nose. 

It was the end of the first week, Oikawa was hanging out on the roof of his and Iwaizumi’s apartment one night after having the night off. They were sharing a shitty bottle of wine they picked up on their way home, Iwaizumi insisted once Oikawa told him he was going to come back to the apartment. 

"I had a feeling that things between you and him had gotten rough but I gave you your space. You think you’re good at hiding it but I could tell. I know how you get when you're cornered and aren't ready to talk about something. And, besides you know I only intervene when you're being a brat.” Iwaizumi stopped and grinned at Oikawa who smiled weakly at him and shrugged. "I know you, shittykawa. I care about you too much to be that kind of guy."

"Sometimes I wonder why he even wants to be with me."

"And I'm sure he wonders the same exact thing about you."

"Something like that," Oikawa said giving a lopsided smile. "You've never said anything about the elephant in the room."

"What? His age?" Iwaizumi took a drink and swallowed. "Not that it's any of my business to say. I mean, if you're serious about it then it's obviously important. It’s been months, Oikawa. I can pretty much say that this is fine.”

Oikawa stayed silent and they enjoyed the atmosphere of the evening going on around them. Being here, spending time with Iwaizumi reminded Oikawa that he did in fact love him. Loved him as a best friend, his rock and constant. 

After a couple minutes, Iwaizumi cleared his throat. "I will say this though: don't forget you have friends, too. We rarely see you anymore. Ushijima can't always have you."

"Nah, I wouldn’t let him. It’s actually what I kind of like about being with Wakatoshi. We don’t need to constantly see each other all the time. I’ve got school and practice and he is so busy with work sometimes but when we do see each other, it’s like we pick up where we left off.” 

There was more silence until Oikawa turned and looked at Iwaizumi. “I’m happy you’re here, Hajime. I can’t imagine the next couple of years without you.”

Iwaizumi nodded. “The feeling’s mutual, dumbass. I couldn’t have you go out in the city by yourself. Kuroo and Bokuto would have ruined you by now,” he joked, slightly shoving Oikawa to the left with a push of his shoulder. Oikawa smiled, taking the bottle from him and feeling warm. 

“You should invite him to the tournament,” Iwaizumi then said after some comfortable silence. “Would be nice if he saw you play.”

“I’ve been thinking about it, yeah. You should have seen the Shiratorizawa back then, Iwa-chan. There was this middle blocker that was just unreal. A couple of them are still playing in teams, having gone on professionally.” 

“How ironic that the one person you bag here in the city is from Miyagi. It’s a shame he couldn’t keep playing,” Iwaizumi said of Ushijima. Oikawa had mentioned it to him a while back while they were eating breakfast, telling Iwaizumi that Ushijima used to play and his team had taken Shiratorizawa to nationals. 

“It really is, but I think he’s found a way to get past the guilt. I try and put myself in his shoes and can’t imagine the guilt I’d feel. He loves what he’s doing now, completely loves his job even though it takes over his own life but, he’s happy.”

“That’s good. I imagine you being in the mix is a cause for him being happy too.”

“Nice, Iwa-chan.”

“Don’t tell anyone I said that.” He said shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweater. “You ready for that exam?”

“Hell no.” Oikawa admitted. “I’ve been studying though?” He tried to look hopeful. 

Iwaizumi laughed. 

They don’t say much after that. That was just how it always was with them. Instead they finish the wine by the time the nighttime chilly breeze came flowing in. If they didn’t have to be up early the next day they would have opened another bottle but that could be done another day. They weren’t going anywhere.

* * *

Oikawa woke up to the light press of lips on his forehead, the corner of his mouth and soft touches on his skin. He shifted in the bed, sheets warm at his chest. “Mhm?”

“I’m home,” came the soft and quiet reply. 

Oikawa smiled lazily, not having opened his eyes and instead moved his hands until he found Ushijima’s and linked them. Pulling Ushijima to him, Oikawa finally opened his eyes and smiled instantly. His stupid heart felt warm. “Hey. Welcome home. Glad you made it back in one piece,” he said. His voice was still drowsy with sleep. The clock on the nightstand read 02:23.

Ushijima flipped them over in the bed so that Oikawa was on top. 

“How was the flight?” Oikawa asked as he yawned and rubbed at his eyes. 

“It was alright. I spent the majority of the time trying to stop myself from fidgeting because all I kept thinking about was that I’d be back home. That coming back meant coming home to you.” 

“God, you’re such a romantic,” Oikawa laughed out loud and smiled when Ushijima laughed too. “I’m glad you’re back, it’s been hell without you. I miss you so much.”

“I know, I missed you too, Tooru.”

“So,” Oikawa leaned up and turned looking around the room until he noticed the suitcase and suit jacket draped over the love-seat. “How was the trip? Did your presentation go well?”

“It did. We discussed to the conference the future potential of our new project and laid out the research of what we can give for people and their agricultural and livelihood. We also met with other non-profit companies to discuss on improving the lives those in resource-poor farm communities. It went really well. The board was impressed. I realized halfway through that all of this... it’s so consumers and society benefit from what we do,” Ushijima said. He blinked before he looked at Oikawa and cleared his throat. “Sorry,” he then continued, running his hand through his face. “I got carried away there.”

“Hey,” Oikawa said as he leaned and made Ushijima meet his eyes. “Don’t apologize. I want to know more. I want stories about your days at work while I tell you about mine. Stories that we can gripe about over a glass of wine. That kind of thing. I just want this. And, I think what you do for a living is incredible. ”

“It’s not that impressive.”

“C’mon that’s bullshit and you know it. I... I know it’s weird to say this but your father must be really proud of you.”

That made Ushijima react as his expression softened. “Thank you.” 

A couple moments of silence passed with Oikawa laying his head down on Ushijima’s chest, feeling his even breathing. He snuggled closer, feeling that warmth again because he felt at home, at peace here with him. 

“How was class?”

“The usual,” Oikawa said untangling himself from Ushijima to make room on the bed. He stuffed his own pillow before he laid back down on it and pulled the covers around him again. He watched as Ushijima stood up and walked over to his closet and shrugged out of the suspenders, beginning to take off the rest of his clothes. He started with the cufflinks. “Done with classes and practiced with the gang until they dragged me out of there, basically. And before you scold me like some kid, I’ve been taking breaks in between. Iwa-chan eventually found out about my knee and the first year assistant has been helping me with warm ups.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ushijima said as he came back to the bed and sat down on the side.

“I made dinner,” Oikawa slurred, sighing when Ushijima kissed his forehead. “It’s atrocious and probably cold now and not nearly as good as your food but, I was starving and thought you would be a little hungry when you got home.”

“Thank you.” Ushijima said before getting back up again. 

He thought he felt Ushijima’s hand run through his hair, petting him and whispering his name. 

As much as Oikawa wanted to stay awake longer, he was so tired from being so sleep deprived due to studying for his exam. So Oikawa closed his eyes again and eventually lost sense of time and buried himself under the covers. Sleep took over him; he drifted off knowing that when he would wake up next, Ushijima would be there with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/gipsydangers).


End file.
